- 3 years ago
- Wedding: April 2015
I don’t know what to do….. FI and I have decided to have a small wedding with just our parents at a resort in Jamaica. While researching the resorts, I was in constant communication with my mom, and my concern was the cost for the room and flight for her. My mom told me , repeatedly, not to let the cost get in the way of the wedding we want. While my mom is not poor, she doesn’t have a ton of excess cash laying around, so this was a concern. But after she told me to do what we want, and after she told me multiple times she would give us money towards the wedding as well (which I refused) ,FI and I settled on a resort and last week booked our room and flight.
Now mom is bitching. She is traveling alone and the cost for 4 nights is higher than my cost for 7 nights. She told me that she thinks we should get married at home and go to Jamaica as a honeymoon. She is complaining that she is going to be alone at the resort. Honestly, I feel extremely guilty, but as of a week ago she was making it sound like money shouldn’t be a reason not to choose what we want. Now I’m being made to feel extremely guilty and I don’t know what to do!
FI and I say all the time that we wish it could just be us when we get married. There is a part of me now that wants to tell my mom and his parents that we are just going to elope. Honestly, a DW was supposed to be the easy, no stress option for us!
So like I said, i don’t know what to do. I feel like I took my moms expenses into consideration this whole time, and with her blessing to do what we wanted, moved forward. Should we cancel and find a cheaper resort (even thiugh our room and flights are booked)? Do we change our plans so she isn’t put out? Should we say screw it and just elope?( For bees that did elope, did you feel guilty afterwards? Did you miss your parents being there? )
I’ve already called the resort and pulled the bride card, but they can’t help us in reducing room rates.
This is supposed to be a fun time for us, and I feel like my mom is trying to make it all about her. How can she go from telling me to book whatever and that she was giving us money towards the cost, to complaining and saying she doesn’t know if she will come because of the trip cost??? We are going dress shopping this weekend, and she had been telling me that she wants to buy my dress. I told her this morning that I’ll buy my dress, and she can put that money toward the trip. I also told her I would pay for the hotel for this weekend and for her dress to try to offset the costs a bit. If she only had to pay for the trip, I feel like it would still be cheaper than putting money towards a traditional wedding?
I have a feeling that my mom won’t be at my wedding. And it hurts. I am just sick over all of this.
Also, her and FI don’t get along, so a part of me is wondering if this is all going back to her not liking him? Like if she complains enough, I won’t marry him or something?
Thanks for listening ….