Post # 1
My aunt has offered to throw me a bridal shower. I am delighted that she wants to help out in such a huge way. She is holding it in my hometown (where the wedding is), which is a two-hour flight away for me.
I wanted her to have the shower in July because my schedule has a lot more flexibility then. However, she wants to have it in the spring for some mystery reason. I felt like giving her an entire month of dates to choose from was very considerate. My mom thinks that my aunt wants to have the shower in the spring because in June my cousin is moving to the other side of the country and so July would be inconvenient. This does not make sense to me. I wonder if my aunt and uncle want to go on vacations throughout the month of July? It all just makes no sense to me. And my aunt won’t actually talk with me about it, she keeps trying to go through my mom even though I directly call her or send her emails.
So finally I agreed to Memorial Day weekend, with the understanding that I cannot have the shower on Memorial Day. Well now my aunt has sent me two emails talking about Memorial Day, and each time I have responded by thanking her and also telling her that I can’t do the shower on Monday but I can on Saturday or Sunday. And she has not confirmed this with me.
I’m upset because this bridal shower is beginning to turn into a pain for me, with worries about my busy schedule with lots of projects due in May for my graduate program and internship. I don’t mind having the shower then but I can’t be there on a Monday- I need the day to travel home and get some work done before my week starts. I am really frustrated. I am thinking about talking to my aunt about it at Thanksgiving when I see her.
What do you think? Am I being a brat or am I justified in being a little annoyed? I feel like I am not being treated well even though the party is supposed to be for me too, right?
Post # 3
@nawella: I think you have a right to be frustrated. Sounds like your aunt is probably well meaning, but is just not getting how busy your schedule will be and is choosing dates that are convenient for her. Since she is not wanting to talk or email to you directly, I think the best thing to do would be talk to her at Thanksgiving face to face as you planned, and lay out ALL of your commitments that you will have to be dealing with in May and how busy you will be. Can you maybe get your mom to be your ally and help you talk with your aunt?
Post # 4
@nawella: I kind of see both sides…I would be frusterated but I think she is doing everything with good intent. Maybe tell her that it may be best to skip the shower and you will just come by and do a dinner celebration with her and others?
Post # 5
@nawella: I get why you’re annoyed, i totally do. And you feel how you feel, that’s valid.
But if you can’t do Monday, you can’t do it. “Thanks so much for your offer, but I can’t do Monday.”
Why she can’t do July is irrelevant (So is why you can’t do Memorial day. You just can’t! lol) But I suspect she might want to do the shower earlier than the month before because it will help spread out the costs of all the presents and stuff from your guests. Coughing up a shower gift, a bachelorette party (gift and costs add up), and a wedding present + clothes all in the space of about a month can be downright frustrating, even if your friends are thrilled for you.
At the end of the day, the shower is a party where you will likely walk away with $1000+ of free presents. I think it’s worthwhile to meet in the middle and go for any spring day other than Memorial day.
I know how stressful grad school gets in the spring, but I also know how much all grad students (myself included, back in the day) procrastinate. At the end of the day, it’s not really that hard to compensate for a weekend day with stellar time management for the two weeks before.
Hope that helps.
Post # 6
@nawella: She is being generous, and as long as it’s not on the Monday maybe just chill out a bit.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone! This really helped. I’m feeling more balanced now and I think it will help to talk at Thanksgiving. I hadn’t even thought about the problem of having to buy presents all in one month- really good point! Thanks so much!