Post # 1
so me and my finace, of 4 months havnt been getting along for a lil while…actually i got engaged and didnt bother to come here and tell u guys because of circumstances of how it all happened(another long story for another post)so last night after yet another argument on the phone,am out of the country since the 2nd of this month.while i was up i decided to right him a heart felt email.i told him of all the things that i loved about him and then listed some of the things that were bothering me .
after some contemplation i sent it.he only recently got an email account never had one,i encouraged him to get one cause he has his business,i taught him a few things on how to use his email.anyways i know he doeesnt check it often,when i awoke this morning i went online and did some research about how to get pass hurt in a marriage and blah blah blah.i came upon this site that focused on marriage fitness and focusing on the future withoutt having to reharsh the past and it made sense,(all this has a point am getting to it) while i was online he called and we had a nice convo,so i decided to go into his account and delete tthe message i sent the night before.i was hoping to buy the cds i saw online and have us do it .i didnt want him focusing on the negative things i had written in the email seeeing that we had a good convo.
Anyaways i went into his inbox i have the password (i set it up and generally send off emails for him for his businesss and so on)i deleted the email i sent,knowing me i wanted to make sure he would never see the email so i procedded to go to the trash to delete there to,although am sure he would have never checked there because he probably wouldnt even know how to do it.low and behold i see three deleted email messages from a person (lets call her samanta)now i kn we both kn a samatha and my first impression they were from her.i wanted to kn what she may have been talking to him abaout.it wasnt from that samantha. there were three emails with pictures in them.they were not nude nor did they have any text in them apart from the name samantha.two had nothing in the subject and the other one was labeled me.
there were a few by herself,one with a friend and one with a young man maybe between 9 and 12.am not sure if its is a he son.ther were no sent mail from him to tha address.these pictures sent the same day i left after 10 pm.he came to visit merecently and my son had his phone i picked it up and he got all defensive telling me that this is a business phone.for some reason he just didnt want me with the phone.noe am wondering if he may have been talking to her on the phone.he is not the one to type to much.the only way she could have his email addy is if he gave it to her,but why?
i guess am asking what do i do should i confront him?i must be honest i have gone through his phone a couple times and found stuff.no reall signs of cheating but stuff i wanst pleased in seeing.
thaks for reading if u did
Post # 3
You should have EVERYTHING out on the table. Definitely tell him how you feel, what you saw, etc. It does sound fishy but to be honest with you, even if he is not cheating, the fact that you are wondering about it is a huge red flag and an issue that needs to be addressed between you.
Post # 4
Yeah you have to ask about it or it would drive you crazy. Just explain what happened, and why you were in his email and what you saw. I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation if theres nothing else indicating infidelity.
Post # 5
Yea I would ask. Its the only way to ever know.
Post # 6
Wow there is absolutely no way I could hole that in. I had a problem like this when I first started dating my FI, he is very handsome and was in nursing school with all women. So I became very insecure. I looked through his phone and if I found anything I told him and no he wasn’t happy I did that but it made me feel better to knwo everything. He was not happy but I told him that I was scared and did not want to be made a fool of and if he had nothing to hide he would have no problem me looking when it made me nothing but more secure. I became secure and stopped looking and knew I could trust him because he always did anything I asked that would make me fell better.
Bring it out and tell him, or wait and see if she emails him soemthing else to feel like you knwo more of what is going on, then decide what you want to do.
Post # 7
thanks ladies.knowing me i might not be able to keep it in much longer.we were speaking tonight and the phone went dead.i’ve been trying to call ever since with no luck.now my mind is playing all sorts of games with me.he should be coming to visit me tomorrow,but i dont think its the right place or time.am at my moms and would hate for things to get out of hand.i’ll wait on till we head back home.once we are at our own home i guess ill bring it up or wait and see if anything else happen email wise.its been 12 dys since he recieved the email.but i know my man if anything conversation would be happeing between then most likely it would be on his cell. he isnt one for typing.that is why am a bit paranoid about the way he reacted about the phone when i had it.
it sucks that i feel like i have to start snooping again.i was really over the snooping part.
Post # 8
I would not “confront him” I would talk to him about it calmly.
If you’re engaged and he knows you have the password it isn’t really snooping. My husband and I have each others passwords for facebook/email/etc.. we never look at eachothers accounts, but we’re open. Some people don’t like living that kind of way, but it keeps everyone honest 🙂
Post # 9
first thing is not to over react though, even if some girl sent him pictures that does not mean he cheated. my first thought would be junk mail but the pictures would prob be more revealing not of her with a young boy!
a marriage cant be build on lies but just remember it certainly be built on assumptions.
the phone thing would be strange to deal with because if its just a work phone then why would he be worried about you looking at it?
the only thing you can do at this point is tell him, honesty is the best policy. just say something like this: the other night i was very angry at you and wrote you an email that i shouldnt have.. it said some things i thought about and it was only in the heat of the moment and when i cooled down i realised i didnt even feel this way. sooo i went and deleted it and while i was in your account i saw pictures of somone etc etc.
well thats what i would do anyway! i wouldnt yell or accuse him of anything this will just make him more angry. if anything play the ” poor me card” men cant resist it.