Post # 1
If things go as I anticipate, I might be able to get married in Spring 2011. Except for one little thing…
My best female friend wouldn’t be able to come.
She lives in England. She needs to get her citizenship sorted out before she comes over. She needs to save up for the flight and dress. And more to the point, she’s expecting in February. She can’t really bring a less-than-three-month old on two 12 hour flights. She can’t really leave a less-than-three-month old with relatives for a week and a half.
I love her. I want her as my MOH – I was hers. I paid for her marriage visa. I’m her kids’ godmother. I was one of two people from her side at her wedding (the other was her mom.) I looked after her son when her daughter was born.
But I want to be married. If my guy proposes before New Years, and wants to get married before he deploys, I have to get stuff set up fast. This is a decision I need to make before then.
Do I consider putting the wedding off for a year so one person can be there? Is there a way to include her without her being there (her mom will be there – she calls me her third daughter)?
Post # 3
I personally think you should talk to your BF before you decide. Not to sound horribly mis-understanding or rude, but this is about you and your future FI, not you and her.
If your BF is being deployed, I think your priorities should be with him more so than her.
You can always send video, pictures, and celebrate with her afterwards when she is able to come. Sorry you are in this situation, I know how rare and important close friends are.
Post # 4
I say postpone it. It sounds like she is a critical part of your life and has been for a while. I can understand that scare of deploying (my fiancée is a Lt in the Air Force) and you not being able to live on base while he is gone (if that is an issue) but we opted for a civil ceremony and later for an official wedding ceremony. This way you get all the military benefits of being a spouse and are able to have your best friend at your wedding. I can’t imagine not having my best friend at mine.
Post # 5
If you aren’t engaged yet then you have time to think about it. Plus, in the end you aren’t marrying her. You need to really talk it over with your future FI. He is the one you should really be worried about. I understand wanting her there. We aren’t going to be able to have some VERY important people at our wedding because of timing and health but in the end we had to realize that it was about the two of us and we chose a time that we both thought worked best. After the wedding we will be having mini receptions at his parents for those who couldn’t come on his side and at my grandparents for those who couldn’t come on ours.
Post # 6
Oh, I would talk it over with him before we set a date. I just need to decide whether it even needs to be brought up. I could spend weeks mulling over that one decision, and he’d let me. Getting input from other parties, however, will help me on that decision BEFORE I waste loads of time that could be spent securing a venue, pinning down a menu, and all those wedding-type things.
Post # 7
I would say talking to your FI about a timeline and all the things that concern both of you is never a “waste of time”.
Don’t worry, take a deep breath, you will get it all figured out, and all the wedding details are minor in the long run, you two are the important part. Respect his reasons, and I am sure he will listen to your concerns.
Post # 8
@Karissa – He isn’t military. He’s a contractor, so benefits are a little less important. Already know I’m going to be in the same place when he deploys, whether we are married or not. And he is dead opposed to a civil ceremony.
We are already doing a second reception in his hometown (halfway across the country from mine.) Aside from my friend, there’s really no one who would be left out.
Post # 9
@cyneswith: I wouldn’t postpone. Life can be very different a year from now. Your friend may be pregnant again, or not in a position to travel, and still not be able to attend. I would do what is best for you and FI. You could have her mentioned in the program and send her a nice album if she is unable to attend?
Also, she may prefer not to travel with a newborn, but there isn’t any medical reason why a newborn can’t travel (at least not one that is at least a couple of weeks old).
Post # 10
IF it’s going to be a tiny personal wedding I would say just go ahead and get married but when you have a big wedding it’s about you , your fiance & sharing your special day with others. I can definitely see the issue here. I’d say talk to her about it. A talk with her might just help you sort it out.
Post # 11
I’d say you can do the official married before he deploys and postpone the big things for when your friend can be there. My friend’s now hubby was deployed to Korea the year before they were to be married. They secretly got married before he left, and she continued planning the wedding. When he came back, they had the most beautiful wedding ever!