(Closed) Should I cut my family out of my life? Is this family worth saving?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9143 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

This doesn’t seem like a mountain to die on to me and I have a similar issue with my family regarding my FH.  They were not happy when FH and I got engaged and told me as much that I was making a mistake.  I stepped back, evaluated the situation, talked to toher people and in the end I decided that I would give it time to pass.  It has gotten much better but it took months (6+) and lots of contact between my parents and my FH for them to warm up to him; it’s still progressing.

I acted like nothing happened after they confronted me.  I had a line prepared for just in case they tried to bring up the topic.  Basically, it is a non-topic for my family to discuss issues they have with me and FH right now.  I know they were a bit surprised and hurt when they found out that we had set the date and booked our venue without talking to them.  They are slowly coming around and I am very glad that I maintained my relationship with my family because they are important to me.  But if they were ever to insult my FH to his face heads will f-ing roll.

Post # 4
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@1stRosie:  You can work through these issues. The best option is to always be respectful to your parents but feed them with a long handle spoon.

Post # 5
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Hmm, i can see how torn up you are! 

I’ve never been in your place, so I can’t imagine how hurtful it must be. But my advice is not to cut ties, there’s too much formality in that. They might be expecting that, and i don’t think you should give them the satisfaction.  What you need to do is act indifferent to their opinions.  Be firm, be polite, and don’t back down.  Don’t let your step mum go off. Sometimes the best way to handle peeps like is what I call a “brook no nonsense attitude”.  It might be the only way to show them that you’re an adult. Don’t worry about doing right and wrong by them.  Just live for yourself and your love and through your action, they’ll have no choice but to repsect that. *I hope*

Anywho, sorry if that’s not helpful! 

Sending you lots of internet hugs!

 

Post # 6
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Would family counseling be something your family would be willing to do/afford?

Post # 10
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@1stRosie:  

My fiance’s parents were not supportive (they live in another country) and so I can understand how difficult this is. The bottom line is, this is your life, and you have chosen to marry, so don’t let that stop you. In time, your family will respect your decision and they’ll come around but don’t expect them to right away. Especially older folks, who are more conservative. Don’t let it spoil your day! Smiles.

Post # 11
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@1stRosie:  

Whoa wait a minute….that was your father talking in that last post to you like that? Um…ok I change my mind. I’d stop talking to them, that’s just profane verbal abuse right there. I’d never tolerate that. Who talks like that to their daughter? Good lord. ๐Ÿ™

Post # 12
Member
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@1stRosie:  I would write back – Thanks but I think I’ll pass.

Post # 13
Member
5663 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Holy shit your dad sent that to you? I think i would tell him him to take a long hike until he can treat you and your fiancé with respect!! some distance and laying down of the law is definitely in order. You and your fiancé are a team and NO ONE deserves to be treated that way. If he can’t figure that out then how does he think he gets the pleasure of having any say in your life whatsoever?

Post # 14
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@nycsa:  I’m all for reconciliation, but I Agree. You need distance from this!

Post # 15
Member
2879 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

To be honest, I think you should distance yourself from them a great deal. Treat them like you’d treat an old, rude great-aunt — be polite and somewhat distracted when you have to interact with them, like you aren’t REALLY paying attention to what they’re saying because you have better things to worry about. Because you DO. If they’re deliberately hostile, look right at them and tell them you don’t allow people to talk to you/treat you like that, and leave (or tell them to leave.) But yeah, I’d back WAY the heck off and stay reasonably far away. You deserve to have relationships with people who respect you and treat you well.

Post # 16
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Oy, I can’t imagine any of my or my SO’s parents ever talking like that to us. Um,you could try it a a last ditch effort and inform your Father that if he cannot be civil to you and your FI your are considering cutting ties prior to this ‘unpleasant meeting’ or you could inform him you will only talk to him about your life if he and your stepmother can remain civil. I guess I’d ask my father what’s more important to him, having a negative opinion on your adult life and the choices you make, or having a relationship with you at all.

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