(Closed) Should I decline their offer to host a bridal shower?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yikes. I hate this general awkwardness for you! The two options above seem pretty viable. I also think in a case like this it would be acceptable to just let it happen. This could even be a way to include those you’re not inviting. I don’t think anyone could expect you to be inviting the 150 in attendance! Of course, I’m not down with most of the etiquette in situations like this, this is just my gut feeling 🙂

Post # 4
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

That is an interesting situation….I was in something similar with my hometown congregation.  Granted our ceremony is in another state they still wanted to throw a huge shower and I was afraid quite a few of them would show up at the ceremony (it’s a 3 hour drive).  Then there were also quite a few that felt slighted that we weren’t using the church for our ceremony (we live 4 hours away).  After much back & forth with my parents we ultimately decided to hold a "blessing & reception" at the church 3 weeks after our ceremony.  The reception will just be light finger foods (I’m from the South…that’s what they call them here), cake and punch but it seems to have really made everyone involved happy to some degree.  I’m not sure if that is a possibility in your case..but I know it’s been hard trying to weigh the options.  I thought about declining a shower as well, but that seemed as if it would hurt more feelings than a private wedding. 

Long story short, I don’t have a perfect solution for you but I did want you to know you aren’t alone in this delimma. 

Post # 5
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

The idea of a blessing and reception ceremony I think is wonderful.  If that is possible.

Otherwise I would suggest that next time you talk with them (those offering to host the shower), thoroughly explain that although you would greatly appreciate and enjoy them hosting a shower, you don’t feel it would be appropriate because the actual ceremony is for family only because of various constraints.  Honesty is always the best way to go and hopefully they understand. 

Post # 6
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I think it’s okay if they want to throw you a shower. People get showers at their workplaces when the coworkers are not invited. As long as you’ve been clear that you’re having a small wedding ceremony/reception with your family only, I think you’d be okay. They love you and want to celebrate with you. I think they might be more hurt if you said no 🙂

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