Should I ditch this friend?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1113 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Honestly, I would not continue that friendship. It sounds VERY one sided. If she isnt willing to put in the work to maintain the friendsship, a few years of history isnt a good enough reason to hold on. I know this is hard, I did the same thing not so long ago, but im happier having those people out of my life. I hated always trying to make plans and them not wanting to unless everyone else was busy and she needed someone. Its not fair. 

Post # 3
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You don’t have to have no contact with her but I’d certainly stop making plans and putting in any effort. And when she asks why (if she ever does) you can reiterate to her that you don’t have the time to put in effort to hang out when she cancels all the time. 

Post # 4
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

darkbluetennessee:  Of all the people I was friends with in grade 8, I’m still real friends with 2 of them. People change as they grow up and become different, and you might not longer have anything in common with them. I try to stay in contact with people but once I get blown off enough times I just stop. If they really wanted to be your friend they would make the effort. I wouldn’t like block her out of your life but maybe just stop attempting to hang out with her.

Post # 5
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

History has a way of blinding us to someone’s worst traits; we cling to friendships because we miss who our friends once were, or because our memories of who they were are fogged. I never thought that my best friend — someone I’d known since I was 9 and had been close with since I was 16 — and I would someday not talk. But here we are, more than a year later, and I have not spoken with him in all of that time. Like your friend, he was a selfish, narcissistic person who always had excuses for his behavior…but expected WAY better from me.

The answer is: life is too short to deal with people like that. You’ve talked to her, she gives a noncommital promise, and sure enough, she’s just the same. She’s only interested in the friendship when it benefits her. The time has come to stop making plans and to disengage. If she says, “You never do (blank) with me!” you simply say, “You don’t initiate hanging out, either,” and leave it at that. She’s getting all of the perks of a good friendship now without having to put anything else back in. Perhaps seeing that you CAN and WILL leave her ass in the dust could be a wake-up call for her.

Or, more likely, you’ll simply have a selfish person out of your life, which will free you up to meet new people.

I think we’re given an overly-idealized vision of friendships in this world. We think of family as forever, friendships as forever (the sort of buddies you can both party with when you’re a teen and knit with when you’re in your declining years), relationships as sometimes-forever. But the truth is, you’re going to meet, bond with and move on from people all of your life. People change, their trajectories wind up in different directions, they just don’t get anything out of the friendship anymore.

Speaking of my former friend, he was an awesome person to chill with for hours in a Burger King, talking about our overly-ambitious dreams when we were 16. In our late 20s, he was the same way with an enormous sense of entitlement and an anger that everything wasn’t easy for him. I grew up and I was pragmatic and realistic. Needless to say, we split.

I’ll remember the good times that we had. But I am very glad that we went our separate ways. I think with time, you will feel the same way about this “friend.”

Post # 6
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I wouldn’t continue it. I have a friend like this. She’d always say, “Oh we have to go out soon!” So I would plan to go to dinner, movie, or whatever, and she cancel or just never get back to me. However, if I were to say, “Hey, let’s go to the bar this Saturday” man she’d be on that shit like, well, flies on shit. It was like I was ruining her weekends if I suggested anything but the bar, and I am not a huge drinker nor do I like the feeling of getting drunk, so I honestly cut her out. We lost touch right after high school anyway so it wasn’t a huge loss, but still sucks that that is the kind of person/friend she wanted to be.

Post # 7
1197 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would definitely not continue to put the effort into the friendship.  While friendships aren’t tat-for-tat, both sides need to put work into it to maintain it.  I’d say to stop talking to her and let her come to you.  

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