Post # 1
When I got engaged January, I asked one of my childhood friends to be a BM. She seemed to be excited. But when I talk to her about wedding info, she doesn’t really want to talk about it too much. This makes me feel a little weird. For example, I mentioned to her that we wanted to scale down the guest list and have a smaller wedding than expected. She quickly asked if she still needed to be a part of the bridal party. She said that it wasn’t a big deal if she wasn’t. I am a little perplexed.
I only have a MOH and 2 other BMs, she would have been the fourth. On top of that my FI is saying that he is only asking for 3 guys to b GM and Best man. So, should I drop her and if so how do I do that? Should I just say that there is only going to be 3 GM? Or should I say, I don’t want anyone in the party who doesn’t want to be? I don’t know, please help!!
Post # 3
I would sit down with her and tell her that she has the option to drop out if she’s not as into it as she thought she would be. Tell her that the most important thing is that you want her there, whether it’s as a guest or BM, and that no matter what, you want both of you to be happy on your wedding day!
Trust me, you don’t want an unhappy bridesmaid bringing down your wedding–just make sure to include her in the bach party, shower, etc so she doesn’t totally feel like she’s been dumped.
Post # 4
Based on your description, it sounds like, perhaps she doesn’t want to be in the wedding. I’m just thinking about the part where she asks if she’s still needed to be in the party. Those sound like words from someone tryign to get out of something.
Since you asked, I don’t think it’s right to take rescend your offer. I think it would be improper to use an excuse like, we only have 3 GMs. I certainly don’t think you originally planned on asking a bunch of girls, only to dump them if your party didn’t match up evenly. That would be terribly inconsiderate. I’m sure you planned and thought that all through. So no need to make it come across that way. It will make you look bad, and won’t even be the truth. Also, I don’t think I’d be so blunt as to say you don’t want anyone to be in the BP who doesn’t want to be. (That might be true.) But it sounds like it comes out of hurt or anger on your part. However, what might be going on with her, if she doesn’t want to be in the BP, might have nothing to do with you. Maybe she’s having money issues. Or maybe she’s feeling stressed. She could be feeling some jealousy she had no clue would surface.
I would just talk to her based on that. "Jane, I got the impression that you might not want to be in the wedding when you said…. Did I misinterpret that? I’d love to have you, but thought I’d ask what you meant, in case something’s come up." Sounds like she might be a bit sensitive too. So try to say it delicately.
Post # 5
It’s always a difficult situation when you think you have someone in your wedding party that didn’t really want the job. Although, once you ask someone, you really can’t drop them unless you have a REALLY good reason (I speak from experience, we had to ask two groomsmen to step down). I agree with Tanya123, I would just ask her, "I get the impression you don’t want to be in the wedding, and that’s fine with me. I’d love to have you there, and you know how much I treasure our friendship, but your comfort is more important. They’ll be no hurt feelings if it’s too much for you." If she still says she wants to do it, let her, and try to not talk about the wedding with her unless necessary (dress, shoes, when to be where, etc.). Sometimes, BMs tend to get wedding-ed out, and maybe that’s how she feels. You never know.
But definitely don’t make the decision to cut her. Talk it out first and see what happens.
Post # 6
She might be worrying about the finances involved. I also get the impression that she’s a bit hesitant — definitely have a heart-to-heart with her over coffee or something to try to get to the bottom of this.
Post # 7
Thanks for all of your comments. I will keep her as a BM.