(Closed) Should I invite my brothers ex-finance?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

That’s a tough situation but here is my honest opinion.  I don’t think you should invite her.  It would be hard enough, (for everyone), having her there if it was a large wedding but with only 30 people, it’s like inviting her to an intimate dinner.  it WILL be awkward.  I would call her and explain that you are so sad about the situation and really wish she could be there but feel that it’s probably best for everyone’s comfort and feelings if she wasn’t there.  I’m sure she feels the same way.  I imagine it would be really difficult for her to be at your intimate wedding, looking at your brother and thinking about what she was supposed to have just one week later.

Post # 4
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I would not invite her. You could send her a thoughtful note saying you will be thinking of her on what was going to be her own wedding day, but having her present at yours will be awkward for everyone.

Post # 5
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

Whatever you choose to do, I would call or meet with her in person and talk to her about it. If y’all are such good friends, you need to let her know why you choose what you did and give her a chance to decline if she wants or if you don’t invite her, IMO you should tell her why.

Post # 6
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

wow,  I don’t know. If it was a large wedding and he said he it was okay (which doesn’t necessarily mean it’s okay – he could just not want to hurt your feelings) then maybe… But.. only 30 people? If you want honest opinions, I say no way.

Post # 7
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree that sending her a note or getting together with her would be best.  But if they just broke up and her wedding is to be a week from your’s, this could be so hard for her and for your brother.  With an intimate gathering of 30 people, this really is closest family and friends and it will be really hard and awkward to have here there.  I feel your sincerity and care for her and that will mean a lot to her, but IMHO, having her present at the wedding will likely be too much. 

Hope that helps and good luck. 

Post # 8
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Oh no, that’s a hard situation.  Ultimately, I can’t see how she could have an easy time at your wedding.  No clue what your brother is feeling.  Are you attempting to get them back together or something??

I do think it’s good to be open with her and either let her know that you wish the circumstances were much different and are sad she cannot be there, or ask herhow she feels.  But again, I just can’t imagine that the situation would be very comfortable for her, and probably your brother.

But  Iwould try to make a point to still connect with her.  Will you be on your honeymoon that weekend after your wedding?  Could you send her a comfort gift, or take her on a spa afternoon?

Will you try to stay friends with her, or just let things drift away?  It’s such a hard situation.  Sorry.

Post # 9
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

tough one; I think it will bring your wedding down, sure you love her as your friend but you will be unhapppy seeing her there because of what happened; too much sad energy

Post # 11
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Invite her, but maybe include a not saying "I realize that you may not want to attend, but please know that I want you to have the choice, because you are special to me". Or something like that.

If she’s close to you — and it sounds like she is — I would invite her. After all, she can always RSVP "no".

Post # 12
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

My vote is no, dont invite her.  If it’s small then everyone there will know their situation and that might make them feel awkward.  Ultimately it would be her decision as to whether its too hard for her or not.  Have you spoken to her? That really sux 🙁 But in the long run you’ll have to stand by your bro on this one and not invite her to the wedding. (I know he say’s its okay but it also sounded like you were unsure of his true feelings).

Post # 13
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’d say don’t invite her, but talk to her in person so she understands why.  Explain that it’s not her, at all, but considering the size of the wedding and the particular date, you just felt it would be really uncomfortable for everyone.  Tell her you really wish it was different, and that you still love her.

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