- 1 week ago
So I am 25 and my BF is 29 & our 2 year anniversary is coming up.
My BF knows that IMO, after the two year mark, you should either begin planning a proposal and your future together, or you should be breaking it off if that’s not what you want. He knows my timeline is somewhere between years 2 and 3 and he knows that if we are not engaged my our 3rd anniversary, I will basically just assume he will never propose and I will move on. I understand that this is not how everyone feels but it is certainly how I feel. I have also explained my reasons for this, that I don’t want to ‘waste’ my best years on someone who is just using me to pass some time when he knows very well he doesn’t see a future with me. I refuse to go through that, I was in a relationship for 2.5 years with someone who flinched if I mentioned moving in together EVENTUALLY, not even anytime soon. It hurt a lot, and I realised we were going nowhere so I ended it, and I have no problems doing that again, if needed.
The thing is, we are both at the starting-ish point of our careers where we are climbing the ladder and neither of us is making much money. We are currently living with his parents, who are great people and I am extremely lucky to have such great in-laws (even if they’re not technically my in-laws). We still pay rent and contribute to bills it’s just a lot lower than actual rent would be in our town. I would be okay with moving out and struggling together but he would rather save which is fine by me. The house is quite big so we are not stepping on anyones toes and I am as respectful as I can be.
I know we couldn’t afford a wedding right now but the honest truth is that I could do it in someone’s garden and I would be just as happy – I am an introvert and a whole day of being in the spotlight genuinely sounds horrific.
I know our situation financially is less-than-ideal but I still really want to marry this man and I want to be his wife.
In my own timeline, the waiting officially begins. It could be from our 2nd anniversary all the way to our 3rd anniversary, a whole year, and I am already getting antsy.
We talk about it quite openly and he is more than willing to discuss all things marriage-related (apart from the actual wedding b/c I can’t even bring myself to talk about it – I have never been the girl who got excited at the prospect of a wedding – I want a cute simple ring and a husband, that is all.)
For example, yesterday morning I was doing my make up for work and he was staring at me, and when I asked him what he was thinking/looking at, his answer was literally ‘about how I cant wait to grow old with you’ and my heart melted a little.
If finances weren’t an issue, I would definitely say we were ready. We love each other and get along great, we get each other, and even though we do have our arguements, they are never about anything serious and we can always work through them, identify the ‘real’ problem and reach a compromise.
We have discussed rings and we agreed that when the timing is right, we can go together, because he doesn’t know the first thing about them. I don’t mind this at all. He could definitely afford to go out and buy me one right now, as I have already told him I do not expect an expensive ring, that would be extremely silly and a waste of money we don’t have.
On the one hand I am so excited and I know we are a great couple, and I know that he knows my timeline and I am sure he would never just leave me hanging because he knows my fears. On the other hand, I know we don’t have a lot of money so its not like we could actually start planning a fancy wedding.
So I start to get excited and then remember my bank balance and it feels like a slap in the face. 🙁
Can anyone offer some kind words? What would you suggest? Should I completely delete my own timeline due to our finances? Or should I still be excited?
He hasn’t given me a timeline other than ‘sooner than I ever expected’ so I feel a little bit lost.