Post # 1
So I’m getting married in January and I got engaged December of 2008. The moment we got engaged we decided on our bridal party and the children in the bridal party. Well my fiance has four nieces and one nephew and I have one niece and two nephew’s(one of which is a few months old so he won’t be in it) so we decided to have two ring bears, three flower girls, and two junior bridesmaid. (a little background on my brother: he met his now girlfriend march of 2008 got pregnant a few months later and she already has two children from previous relationships) So my brother calls me up because he was “just curious” why his girlfriends children were not going to be included in the wedding party. I couldn’t believe he was asking me such a question. Those kids are great but when I decided on my bridal party they had been together 8 monts, I had only met the kids a few times so they were not on my mind. Besides that all the children in the bridal party are children of our brothers and sisters. Well I’m a little upset that he called to ask me why I didn’t have his gf’s kids in the wedding. Seriously, my mom was also upset…I would understand if they had been together for many years and I had known those kids and really felt a connection but I don’t. My brother and his girlfriend are not married and they always seem to be fighting so why should I have children in my wedding who may not be part of my family a year down the road because things didn’t work out. I don’t plan on having them in my wedding regardless but should I feel bad, I had the guilt trip put on me. When he called me I wanted to cry. He said it bothered him more than it bothered her(his girlfriend) but I know it’s all her. If I was in that situation I would never ask such a question because I would understand and see the pattern that hey they are all nieces and nephews. I don’t know…I’m so confused, I love my brother so much but at the same time he made me feel bad for something that I don’t think he should have asked me. This happened like two weeks ago but I can’t get it out of my mind because he told me it bothered him. Sorry I just have to vent, what should I tell his girlfriend if she brings it up to me personally(she would too).
Post # 3
I’m glad you were able to let all of that out. I have vented so many times on weddingbee and it helps me sooo much.
My personal opinion is that you should not feel bad about not having these random kids in your wedding! Its your wedding, if they ever decide to get married her children can be in their wedding. Sorry if that sounds rude or harsh but it seems like some people have no sense. If I had children I would NEVER try and push my kids into a wedding, if they wanted my kids in the wedding, they would ask me!
Post # 4
i wouldnt feel bad either… if you had bonded with the kids and they were important to you then fair enough but right now you associate them as your brothers girlfriends children (geez thats a mouthful) and you dont feel the connection with them to inlcude them in your weddnig party
Post # 5
I’m in agreement with the other posters; no need to feel bad and if he asks again just say ‘honestly I wanted children who are family, and I won’t consider your girlfriend’s children family unless you are married’. That will probably shut him up about it. Seriously, why would his girlfriend even think you would use her kids if you already have young children who are family? IDk just seems weird to me and so rude to even bring up.
Post # 6
I totally agree! Do not feel even the smallest bit bad! I’m sorry but I totally agree with you and you should not feel bad about not inviting kids you don’t even know to be in your wedding. I think your brother needs to have a lesson on manners!
Post # 7
You shouldn’t feel bad at all! This is your wedding and you choose who is in it and who is invited. Personally I don’t think your brother had any business asking you that at all.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t feel bad necessarily but I think I may know where you brother is coming from. You say that him and his girlfriend are having a child? Well I would think his thinking is that that are starting a family (and I would assume some day get married) and those children of hers are going to also be your nieces/nephews by marriage so maybe in his mind he doesn’t understand why all the other neices and nephews get to be in the wedding and her children don’t.
However, I don’t think I would include them in my wedding either. You hardly know them at this point.
I have a similar situation where my brother is getting married this Oct and my FSIL as a 14 yo daughter who is going to be my “neice”. Well I am having all our nephers (I have 2, FH has 1) in the wedding so in a way I should have my new neice…but I’m not. We are only having a bestman/MOH so I don’t want a junior bridesmaid and she is wayyyyyyy to old to be a flower girl. Your sistuation just reminded me of how I look at my expanding family and your brother might think along those same lines
Post # 9
I think it would be simple enough to tell her that you made the decision when they had only been dating a short time. No one would argue with that. You don’t need to say all the other stuff 🙂
Post # 10
Don’t feel bad! I have 8 nieces and nephews all under the age of 10 and I chose only 1 flower girl and 2 ring bearers, but only because that’s who IIIII wanted! No one pressured me into the decision, but I can tell secretly my brother and sisters are a little upset that not ALL the kids are in the wedding. TOUGH LUCK!! It was them who decided to get pregnant, not me! I shouldn’t have to pay for their decisions (sorry that sounds really harsh) and my wedding is about me! It’s one day!!!
Post # 11
Don’t feel bad. I bet your bro just brought it up because he told the girlfriend that he would so he was just following through. If she brings it up or something just say that at that point you didn’t know her or the kids. I can’t imagine anyone getting bitter about that!