Post # 1
I have some exciting news.. However for some reason I feel quite guilty. I will explain.
FI and I have been together for 7 years. We get married this year in October yay!! We have been talking about our future and have decided to TTC early next year. I am so excited becasue I have always dreamt about having a family together and seeing FI as a dad. We own our own home and borh work full time. I am 23 and he is 24.
I graduated end of last year and have been working as a school teacher in the country this year. I love what I do and get along really well with everyone at work. i teach high school students so it is challenging but oh so rewarding. Anyway, long story short, last week I had a meeting with the Principal. He was so impressed with my work that he offered me permanency at the school. This means that I don’t need to worry about job security and I am able to receive all the benefits. I was so happy/excited/shocked by the news that I thanked him and accepted the offer. Who wouldn’t right??
Amyway, since we are going to TTC I feel bad. I have only been working at the school since January and if all goes to plan TTC I will be going on maternity leave next year. The Principal knows that I am getting married.. So I guess he would know that I will be starting a family at some point… I just feel so guilty because the school is isolated and it is hard to find teachers to go out there.. I feel like I’m putting his hopes up by accepting the opportunity When really I plan to be taking leave after the wedding (possibly for up to a year).
Please tell ell me that I am not crazy lol. Should I feel guilty? I hate that I feel bad about deciding to start a family in the future. I m just so overwhelmed by the good news about my job permanency and also the great decision of TTC. I just feels so real and I dont know how to feel!! Please share your thoughts and advice.
Post # 2
First up, congratulations! I completely understand why you feel guilty (I’m a teacher too, and I know leaving my class/school for maternity leave will be hard), but you shouldn’t! I think that most teachers always put everyone else first, and sometimes we have to realize we (and our families) come first.
Also, teachers generally want to have kids. I think that most principals realize that a young, getting married teacher will be going on maternity leave at some point soon.
Post # 3
Wait you’re taking an entire year of leave after your wedding just to TTC and be pregnant?
I personally would feel bad about taking the position knowing I would be going on leave for more than just a standard 8-12 weeks. That’s just me though. I don’t see anything wrong with taking the job and having a baby, and taking a standard maternity leave, then coming back. That’s just part of life and you can’t put your life on hold for a job. However, taking the job only to leave for a full year a short time later is not okay in my book.
I am part of a non-profit within my industry and we hired a girl to run the office who knew she was pregnant. That in itself was not a problem, however she took the position knowing that she most likely wouldn’t come back after having her baby…but she wouldn’t tell us that. We invested all this time on her, she has her baby, and when her maternity leave time was up THEN she tells us she’s not coming back. That put us in a huge lurch and was just really not a great professional move.
Post # 4
Feeling guilty accomplishes absolutely nothing for either you or the school. Accept the job or don’t. TTC or don’t. But don’t make a decision and then wallow in guilt.
I think accepting the job was the right thing to do. And I think it’s fine to start TTC according to you plan. Be honest with the school, so that they can plan, if you get preggers. But feeling guilty doens’t help anything.
Post # 5
starfish0116: 8-12 weeks isn’t standaard everywhere. There are lots of countries where a year (or two) is the standard.
Post # 6
A year of leave after the baby? You must not be in the US bc you wouldn’t still have a job if you plan to leave for that long.
Post # 7
Fortunately there are countries who are much more progressive when it comes to maternity, paternity and parental leave.
kfiorita: Feeling guilty is a waste of energy. Your principal knows you are young and maried. He likely anticipates that you will start a family.
Post # 8
JenGirl: Well if the OP lives somewhere that a year maternity leave is standard I’m sure her employer is used to that, and probably assumes hiring a young female who is engaged will mean that children will most likely follow. In that case, if it’s the norm there, she shouldn’t be worried about it.
Post # 9
Here in the UK you can take up to a year. I took 9 months with my little girl. Don’t feel guilty he/she knows you are engaged & will probably be starting a family pretty soon, x
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2015 - Dreams Las Mareas - Costa Rica
dont feel guity! If you are taking the standard amount of maternity leave then that is your right and im sure the principal knows that when hiring women. Its not going to be a shock that a married 23 year old got pregnant…lol
Take the job and let life take its course… you might take a few months to get pregnant so you never know how soon you will be on leave
Congrats and good luck!
Post # 11
starfish0116: a full year IS standard in Canada.
Post # 12
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
This is all moot until you’re actually pregnant anyway. I thought getting pregnant would be a breeze and had worried myself sick with planning everything within an inch of its life. Turns out, it’s not so easy for a lot of people. It took us about 5 months to conceive. Maybe you’ll get pregnant right away, and maybe you won’t. But you have nothing to feel guilty about because nothing has happened. And even when you do start a family, that’s nothing to feel bad about.
Post # 13
Thank you for all of your advice. I think majority are saying there is no reason to feel guilty which makes me feel better 🙂
As a permanent teacher in Australia, we can take up to 52 weeks off and still have our job secured for when we return. After the leave, teachers are able to negotiate part time work until the baby is 2 years old. I have been on the Bee for awhile and have noticed that some women don’t have the benefits we have in Aus. I am extremely grateful for what we have here 🙂
Post # 14
starfish0116: I think you may have misread!! I would be quite shocked if someone took time off to TTC. I meant I would be taking 52 weeks off (one year) for maternity leave.
Post # 15
Don’t feel guilty. Getting married and starting a family is something many people do. You won’t be the first teacher to do it and you won’t be the last. Don’t worry over something that hasn’t happened yet.