(Closed) Should I feel hurt…?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
46155 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t make a big deal about it. FBIL probably just blurted that out beause he wants his brother at his wedding.

Personally, if we couldn’t afford to attend a DW, I would be ok with DH going on his own if it were his brother getting married.

Post # 4
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

I think it’s very normal that you are hurt by this and you should call all your girlfriends and vent to no end! However I don’t think he meant he doesn’t like you. He just really want his brother to be at his wedding, which is very understandable too.

Post # 5
Member
5969 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Umm, that was badly phrased for certain, and I get that weddings are really important, especially between siblings…so yeah, that was pretty rude, people who host destination weddings have to deal with the reality that not everyone wants to spend their hard earned money and vacation time on a wedding fueled bender where they have to pay attention to the bride and groom the whole time….if you guys are engaged, you are an indivisible unit…FBIL should get this…I would kindly advise him that you not attenting while your finance does is simply not going to happen.

Post # 6
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Eh, you can be hurt by it but don’t let it change how you feel about him. He wants his brother at his wedding and that’s pretty understandable. Put yourself in his shoes, you would want your family to be at your wedding right? Even if that meant they couldn’t bring their so’s?

Post # 7
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think he could have worded it better, but if you can’t afford for both of you to go, but can afford for just him to go, he should. It is his brother, after all!

Post # 8
Member
7796 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeah I’d be hurt. That’s a decision for your FH to make, not for his brother to suggest. Really rude of FBIL. It’s implying you, his FSIL, are not an important guest.

People who have destination weddings need to expect some people can’t attend. They are expecting guests to pay hundreds (maybe thousands) of dollars to attend, so they have no right to be upset when people decline. If it was so important to FBIL for his brother (your husband) to attend, he’d have it local.

Post # 9
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m not sure – has there been a history of you not getting along? Are you and your partner engaged?

A lot of the time, people have a destination wedding to limit people coming (so they can invite people, but people are more likely to decline because the travel costs are expensive). He may have said that to your partner meaning “It may be difficult for both of you to come, but I would really like my brother at my wedding,” rather than “You come and leave Watergirl at home, we don’t want her there anyway.” Somtimes in my family, we just send an ‘ambassador’ for a branch of the family rather than having everyone go to a wedding that’s a long way away.

Unfortunately for your FBIL, having a destination wedding means people may not be able to afford to come, so he’ll just have to live with whatever decision you make.

 

Post # 12
Member
7653 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

He worded it very poorly where it would hurt my feelings, but I wouldn’t feel hurt about not going. If money is tight and you can make it work by having FH go by himself then do that.

Post # 13
Member
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Did he say it in front of you or just to your fiance? If it’s the former, yes, he could have worded things more carefully, but he clearly just wants his brother there. If it’s the latter, I wouldn’t be hurt at all.

Post # 14
Member
9234 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@julies1949:  Personally, if we couldn’t afford to attend a DW, I would be ok with DH going on his own if it were his brother getting married.

I agree.  It’s obviously not ideal, but I think one of you is better than none when it’s his own brother… Tight finances can be tough, but I think we would go out of our way however possible to make sure at least one of us could get to a sibling’s wedding.

Post # 16
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Na, your FBIL was probably just trying to think of ways your FI could afford to go. I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s not like you weren’t invited. Your FI is allowed to go places without you, right?

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