Post # 1
Our wedding party is very small. As in 1 Maid/Matron of Honor, 1 Best Man, and 2 Flowergirls. And my Maid/Matron of Honor is about 20 years older than me but she’s my best bud.
As of right now, in October, her son & his fiance are planning a destination wedding in Mexico. Her daughter has thyroid cancer (and other health issues) and lives across the country in Seattle. Her boyfriend just found out this week that he has cancer in one of his kidneys (he also has a pacemaker). So my dilemma is, should I give her an out? I don’t want to add to her stress, not that there’s a whole lot I expect of her. Basically just be there on my wedding day and sign the marriage certificate. But then there’s the shower and a girls night in bachelorette party.
I have two other people I could ask. My bff from grade school would probably do although with less than two months to go, I feel bad asking her to try to find a dress. Her financial situation is not that great, and I don’t really want add to her expenses.
I could also ask my SIL. She’s the mother of the two flowergirls, so she’s going to be around anyway. She’s a little better off financially.
I’m going to see my friend Monday. I’ll talk to her and see what she says, but what would you do? Do you think I should ask one of the other girls? Or just keep things the way they are and hope for the best.
Post # 3
Talking with her might be best. Tell her while you would still LOVE to have her as your Maid/Matron of Honor, that you undestand she has family problems to deal with so you want to make sure she know that you will not be offended if she can’t forfill that role.
Post # 4
I agree withe blurspurrs. Wait for something to come up in conversation about her daughter or boyfriend and then gently say something to the effect of you know how hard it must be for her right now, and if there’s anyhthing you can do… and that you totally understand if she wants to back out of the Maid/Matron of Honor role. But then be prepared for her to get upset if she thinks you’re trying to ask her to step down because YOU are worried she won’t have enough money for the parties. If you aren’t careful, she could see it that way instead of as you looking out for HER.
Post # 5
I think I’d do what Bluespurrs suggested, speak to her and say something like "I’d totally understand if you’d prefer to step down from the wedding with everything else going on". I’d leave it up to her, if she wants to step down, then I’d ask another friend. If she says "No, I’m still in" then I’d take her word. She may be so stressed that this would take a load off of her, or she might be looking forward to doing something fun and happy for a change. I’d leave it up to her to make the choice.
Post # 6
I think it’s fine to ask her if she can still do this or has to back down. Maybe with these serious illnesses it’s about not being able to go t oMexico because she needs to stay home and take care of her family.
With two months before your wedding, is the shower not already set? Perhaps someone else can throw the shower together for you, without shaking things up so dracstically. Also, I would perhaps think about letting go of some of the other prewedding festivities. A bachelorette isn’t a Bp requirement. I’m not sure if the girls’ night was the same event or a separate event. But that might have to go too.
Post # 7
Why can’t she still be the Maid/Matron of Honor and you ask one your friends to host the bach party or a shower? The Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t have to be the one to host these events.
I would ask her if she would like for you to have one of your friends help with planning. I wouldn’t ask her to step down as Maid/Matron of Honor. Unless she says she can’t do it.