- 6 years ago
So I’ve been looking at posts about people thinking about firing their maid of honor or a bridesmaid. I really haven’t had any luck on advice because I believe everyones situation is different and it’s hard to apply it to your story! So here’s mine, I really appreciate any and all feedback…
I’m having a small destination wedding (within 6 hours) at the end of this year with a small wedding party, one bridesmaid (my FH’s sister) and my best friend as my maid of honor. My MOH and I have been best friends since college ( 8 years) but the problem is she teaches english in a new country, every year! We already live 2 hours apart when she is home so I maybe see her a few weeks out of the year when she comes home for break. Really, I don’t have many girlfriends and these two girls are pretty much the only girls I would choose for my wedding party. I do have not-as-close girlfriends though…
ANYWAY, my future hubby and I got engaged and I asked my best friend to be my MOH. We can only contact through e-mail and on facebook and such, she is in Asia. She said yes and last month I made up a cute care package with day-of-wedding hoodies with their names and MOH & Bridesmaid on the backs and I shipped it to her in a care package with a card and some goodies. All ended up being about $150. She started looking online for BM dresses and she went and got her measurements taken and sent them to me so I could order her a dress when we found one. I know she would be spending like $1500 to fly home from Asia so my fiancee and I have done a lot to make her comfortable. We agreed to pay for her dress, my brother is picking her up from the airport and taking her to and from the beach (7 hours), she gets to stay in a $12,000 beach house for a week which we are splitting with our families, but myself and my fiancee paid her part of the house (think $2,000), and she will not be responsible for food or alcohol the whole week, AND she bitched about getting her hair done for the wedding ($100) so, we also took care and paid that for her too. We figured, it’s more important shes there, not money (and trust us, we have like none.)
She sent me an email 2 weeks ago saying that she doesn’t know how she is going to have enough money to come home, which came out of the blue. This was the first time she ever said anything of this nature. She makes a lot of money with her job, so we didn’t know what was going on. She wrote to me and said “your wedding is a financial strain to me”. It hurt, I wrote her back explaining all that we are doing for her and I’m begging her that please, just come home. I told her I will try and even pick up a part time job and will see if it can help at all with her costs. I don’t get it though. She’s complaining about “I want money for retirement” and “i need money to have when I get home to look for a job”, but hello, worrying about your retirement when your 26 years old? I was also in her wedding 3 years ago, and bought the dress, the shoes, spent $400 on engraved wedding gifts and three weeks before the wedding, they cancelled it! I don’t want to bring that up to her, I feel it’s not fair, but at the same time, I’m speechless that she doesn’t think of that when complaining about my wedding!
Well, a week goes by and still no answer from her. I can see she’s read my emails and I can see when shes on facebook writing on peoples walls and uploading pictures so I’ll message her there, but no answer. Now she’s ignoring me. Never thought anything like this would happen, but I don’t need this stress and really I don’t think I should have to ‘wait and see’ if she decides to come or if she flakes out the last minute. She would be coming home 5 days before I get married, so she wouldn’t be a part of the planning that much, shower, bach party and she didn’t attend the engagement party. HELP! What do I do?