(Closed) Should I fire one of my BM?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i think it would be a little quick to fire her based on these incidents without trying to talk to her first or telling her how you feel.  the fact that she has showed interest in her BM dress is more than what some other brides get from their BMs, so i would take that as a positive sign.  also, by firing her, you will be effectively ending your friendship – is that what you want?

however, the only way i can foresee you asking her to step down is if you tell her you re-evaluated what you want for your wedding and your FI and yourself have decided you don’t want a bridal party at all. is she your only BM? then it could maybe work.

also, something else to think about is that while she called off her wedding, she may get engaged again in the future and ask you to be her BM then – or she assume that you will be no matter what since you had yes to her the first time. so even though she has no more wedding, she still asked you.

another aside – just because she asked you, did not mean you were obligated to ask her, but its kind of too late for that now.

Post # 4
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’d have an honest talk with her, and if you still don’t want her in your wedding, then tell her.  Be prepared to totally lose her friendship though.

Post # 5
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mrs.ddc:IMO you can’t fire her based on those incidents. She does seem at least a little interested in your wedding since she asked about trying on bm dresses.

I would have an honest talk to the tune of “hey, I feel like we’ve been distant lately when we’ve been hanging out – what’s up” instead of, “hey, we’re not as good friends and you’re out of the wedding.” Having just called off her wedding she probably has a lot on her mind.

I don’t think you can fire a bm unless they are no longer willing to pay for things they knew they had to pay for @ the beginning, or if there is a BAD fight, etc.

Post # 6
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If you really don’t want her in your wedding, do what you want.  If you’re just pissed about a couple of things, that might be an overreaction.  I guess you need to cool down and decide which it is.

Keep in mind that if I had just called off my wedding, I’d be kind of flaky too, I’m sure.  The fact that she asked about her bridesmaid’s duties (as far as the dress goes, anyway) is a pretty good sign to me that she’s still interested.  And if this is how she’s always been, then why are you only bothered so much by it right now?  The time to change people is NOT your wedding.  If you honestly have an issue with her as a person or with her being one of your witnesses, boot her.  If not, maybe you just need to talk to her about it.

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