Post # 1
Sticky situation I have…Hopefully someone can help me. I have a girl that I asked to be a bridesmaid. She is the only person I still talk to from school and have known each other since 7th grade. While we fell apart for a while, we reconnected and she asked me to be a BM in her wedding. I said yes…A few months later, I got engaged, and asked her to be in my wedding for 2 reasons. One being that I felt like it was only right since she asked me and the second being that I dont have a lot of girlfriends and no sisters. So since asking her, she has called off her wedding. On top of that, she isnt that great of a friend. She has a baby so she cannot hang out much (I am not faulting her at all for that one) but what I am faulting her for is the way that she has acted the last few times we have hung out. I invited her out for my birthday gathering and she came, but she didnt hang out with me at all! She saw some guy she knew and stayed with him and his friends the whole time. She didnt even say bye to me when she left! Then she invited me out for her birthday and the same thing happened! It was like I wasnt even there! I am quite annoyed about it and honestly, if she wouldnt have asked me, I wouldnt have asked her. The other problem is that she asked me recently abotu going to try on BM dresses, and I have yet to respond to her! SHoudl I fire her? What do I do?
Post # 3
i think it would be a little quick to fire her based on these incidents without trying to talk to her first or telling her how you feel. the fact that she has showed interest in her BM dress is more than what some other brides get from their BMs, so i would take that as a positive sign. also, by firing her, you will be effectively ending your friendship – is that what you want?
however, the only way i can foresee you asking her to step down is if you tell her you re-evaluated what you want for your wedding and your FI and yourself have decided you don’t want a bridal party at all. is she your only BM? then it could maybe work.
also, something else to think about is that while she called off her wedding, she may get engaged again in the future and ask you to be her BM then – or she assume that you will be no matter what since you had yes to her the first time. so even though she has no more wedding, she still asked you.
another aside – just because she asked you, did not mean you were obligated to ask her, but its kind of too late for that now.
Post # 4
I’d have an honest talk with her, and if you still don’t want her in your wedding, then tell her. Be prepared to totally lose her friendship though.
Post # 5
@mrs.ddc:IMO you can’t fire her based on those incidents. She does seem at least a little interested in your wedding since she asked about trying on bm dresses.
I would have an honest talk to the tune of “hey, I feel like we’ve been distant lately when we’ve been hanging out – what’s up” instead of, “hey, we’re not as good friends and you’re out of the wedding.” Having just called off her wedding she probably has a lot on her mind.
I don’t think you can fire a bm unless they are no longer willing to pay for things they knew they had to pay for @ the beginning, or if there is a BAD fight, etc.
Post # 6
If you really don’t want her in your wedding, do what you want. If you’re just pissed about a couple of things, that might be an overreaction. I guess you need to cool down and decide which it is.
Keep in mind that if I had just called off my wedding, I’d be kind of flaky too, I’m sure. The fact that she asked about her bridesmaid’s duties (as far as the dress goes, anyway) is a pretty good sign to me that she’s still interested. And if this is how she’s always been, then why are you only bothered so much by it right now? The time to change people is NOT your wedding. If you honestly have an issue with her as a person or with her being one of your witnesses, boot her. If not, maybe you just need to talk to her about it.