Post # 1
okay.. to start things off. i have pretty much done this ENTIRE wedding by myself (except for my maid of honor when she has time). i have 4 bridesmaids and 2 maid of honors. i am from out of state so my two sisters (bridesmaid, and maid of honor) cant do much to help. My other sister who lives close by is only 15. Another of my bridesmaids just had a baby and the other is my Maid of honor who has a toddler, but helps when she can..
The bridesmaid in question, has really always been a flake. We were really close for a while, until there was a scandal (you dont even want to know). since then, we talk but we arent as close.
When i asked her to be my BM she was all “of course, i would be offended if you didnt ask” and she hasnt done JACK SQUAT!
I let her know a few weeks in advance when i was going to pick out my dress (she had an excuse) i told her when i had my fitting (she had an excuse) and now my lingerie shower is today and guess what (she has an excuse) she knew about it weeks in advance but still cant follow through with anything. She never offers to help, and when we have plans she always backs out of them. She hasnt even got her dress yet ( we have a appt to go next thursday, but she will probably flake). The wedding is in 3 weeks!
i gave the BM’s a little bit of freedom with getting their own dresses with the same color, all of my other BM’s already have theirs or is waiting for it to ship and she hasnt even tried.! I AM AT MY WITTS END! so, i have decided. if she flakes thursday, i am just going to kick her off…
Am i being to mean, or am i being rational?
i just dont want someone so distrustful to play that big of a part on the big day and end up ruining it.
Not to mention, this girl is the biggest attention seeker you will ever meet!
Post # 3
a bm is not required to do anything for the wedding except to walk down the aisle and stand up with you. you gave her free reign on her dress and she is procrastinating. maybe she doesn’t have the money right now. that doesn’t mean that you need to fire her. ask her when she expects to have her dress purchased.
i do understand your stress only 3 weeks out but let it go.
Post # 4
@mlford0531: I don’t know the whole story, but of the 3 examples you gave, I would give her a pass on all 3. You don’t need all of your bridesmaids there to pick out your dress, you certainly don’t need them to be there for your fittings (and to be honest, that sounds super boring and tedious from their perspective), and maybe she’s not comfortable watching you open underwear.
Post # 5
She was a flake and attention seeker when asked her, so im confused as to why your surprised now? She sounds pretty consistant with what a flake is. Three weeks out is nerve racking but finding something off the rack if you have a common color shouldnt be an issue. Im sorry she is disappointing you, but you clearly should have anticpated this.
Post # 6
You are being a bit of a bridezilla, first and foremost being a BM is not a job, so you can’t “fire her”. Secondly the only real responbility she has is to stand up for you at your wedding. The other stuff is just bonus stuff.
Post # 7
If she flakes again on Thursday, I would just go “Karen, you seem really busy! I won’t be offended if you can’t stand up with me. Would you prefer to just be a guest? You know I’ll always love you no matter what!
Even if that last part is a lie.
I would either let her flake and not get the dress and then she can’t stand up for you, or offer her an out. Don’t fire her!
Post # 8
thanks for your opinions. i guess i just expected her to want to help a little more. especially since when i asked her she said that since my MOH was out of state she would help with the stuff MOH’s helps with until my MOH gets down here.
there are plenty of other things that makes me not trust her ( i know, why ask her, right? ) , but i guess reading back i do sound like a bridezilla!
Post # 9
and obviosly i couldnt “fire” her, that was the best word other than “un-bridesmaiding”
Post # 10
I voted no, but I don’t think that makes you a bridezilla. I agree with BrandNewBride, give her a classy out. Or maybe go for coffee and see if something is up with her. Maybe she just feels lost in the shuffle and wants her friend to be her friend and not a bride? I don’t know you guys though, so I could be really wrong.
Also, “un-bridesmaiding” is my new favorite word. I don’t know how I’ll use it, but I’ll make it work. 😀
Post # 11
@mlford0531: What exactly do you need her to help with? Your wedding won’t be a disaster if she doesn’t watch you try on your dress or giggle at lingerie. Chill out. Maybe she has her own affairs to attend to and can’t devote every minute of her free time to YOUR wedding. As long as she shows up to the wedding on time, in the color dress you chose, you’re all good.
Post # 12
@mlford0531: I get where you are coming from – she has skipped out on everything you have asked her to do! That’s shitty, I don’t care what people say. 3 weeks to the wedding and still no dress?! Not cool. If she misses that appointment I’d ask her to step down, or give her a “classy out” as PP said. IMO a bridesmaid should WANT to do more than just wear a dress and stand there on your wedding day. Not that they have to, but that they should want to.
Post # 13
You mentioned what she hasn’t done, what some others have done, and that you are doing your ENTIRE wedding by yourself. Where is your FI? This is just as much his responsibility as yours.
I think there is some bridezilla going on. You don’t need her to choose your dress or to attend your fitting. You gave her leeway on her dress and she’ll get it. Her job is to show up in the right dress and smile for pictures. Anything else is voluntary on her part and not a requirement.
Post # 14
@mypinkshoes: + 1 x 1,000.
When did people start expecting bridesmaids to be servants?
Post # 15
@FLBlonde93: who said she was my servant?? i didnt say she had to attend everything but the fact that she doesnt come to ANYTHING including my showers, is a little shitty to me. not even a phone call.. your entitled to your own opinion! not that i agree with it
Post # 16
@mlford0531: I AM IN THE EXACT. SAME. SITUATION.
I have a totally flakey friend who totally expected me to ask her to be a bridesmaids (we have the same friends, we used to be close) but we literally dont talk anymore unless its about some sort of boy-drama she has going on. I know she would be too busy to do anything or help with anything, and honestly i dont even want her in “bridesmaid” photos because i wouldnt want to remember she was there. sigh, anyway, i decided not to ask her (advice from the bees–good choice)
but i probably wouldnt want someone like that standing up there with me..