Post # 1
Last night my FI called a store inquiring about the deals regarding the suits. We plan on putting him, the groomsmen, the fathers and the users all in tuxes or really nice suits. After he finished talking on the phone, I asked him if I could come. His answer was “… Why?” and then he told me that he didn’t want me there, he doesn’t want my opinion because he thinks I’m afraid he’ll make a bad decision and everyone will look ugly.
I felt a bit insulted. I didn’t want to get in to it then, because it had been a hard, busy day. But we will when he decides to go and see what they have.
Personally, I think I should be allowed to come. I’m not going to take over, but I feel like my opinions should be taken in to consideration. I have tried so hard to include him in every single thing.
So i’m wondering, am I unreasonable to want to have a say in this? Does the groom generally choose the attire for the men all on his own?
I didn’t even get to choose for my bridesmaids. I wanted everyone in different dresses, but they all wanted the same one. I wish I’d have chosen one dress instead and told them all to wear the one. Then I’d have at least had the choice on which one in particular. So he can’t even say he had no say in the bridesmaids, because I didn’t either.
My dress is slightly different, I suppose. But again, my mom and FMIL were with me to give their opinions. Why can’t I go along and give mine for when he’s choosing the attire?
Post # 3
I basically want to see if I’m being unreasonable, before I bring this up again. If what I think is ‘wrong’ I don’t want to look like a fool…
Post # 4
I went with my fi, it was just him and I. We both wanted to make sure we liked the tuxes, and it was a mutual decision.
If he had wanted to go alone, I would have been fine with that, I would have just told him some of the ideas I had, and let him have his fun picking everything out. The way I see it, he didn’t have any say in my dress of my BM’s dresses, so if he really wanted to do it on his own, then have at it!
Post # 5
@MissKit: No you need to let him do this himself. Trust that he will pick a nice suit. And let him pick one he likes and will be comfortable in.
FI and i were at the mall with a few of his groomsmen and they looked at suits. I came close to the end to see what they were trying on (since i was done with my own shopping) and they looked good. FI had a very light grey suit on which i would NOT have chosen. But he said he really liked it and thats all that matters to me.
Whenever something like this comes up i always remind myself. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? Isn’t him being comfortable and liking his outfit more important than having things match perfectly or anything like that? Getting married is the end target so all the other things, are just things!
Post # 6
I think you get a say – not the final say, but your opinion should matter.
My FI first went with his mom (she only has boys so this is her version of dress shopping!) and all I said to him was that I would love a certain colour, style and cut and before he purchased anything please send me a photo. We’ve since gone together but I’ve left it mostly to him.. I just asked that he get a suit tailored to him. I’d be a bit miffed if my FI said my opinion would make everyone look ugly, lol.
Post # 7
Did he go with you to pick out your dress? If he was told “no” about that experience I think he’s well within his rights to want to do this on his own. In the end, it’s kind of hard to screw up a tux/suit.
My FI is just getting a regular black tux (buying) and I’ll probably go with him, but only because he likes to have company while shopping. Our groomsmen will be wearing tuxes that they own/rent on their own.
Post # 8
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to want to have an opinion. But if he didn’t want you to attend, I think he could have definitly worded that better. What he said would hurt my feelings. But I think you should leave this decision up to him. He didn’t have a say in your wedding dress, did he?
Post # 9
@MissKit: I went with my FI to pick out his attire, but he went with me to pick out my dress.
Post # 10
I definitely don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to get a say in what he picks! Can you guys at least look at pictures of suits together before he goes so you can agree on a particular style/color?
Post # 11
I think how he told you was mean. He could have said it much nicer! FI and I are picking things out together. I’ve given my input but ultimately the decision will be his. He also had input with the bridesmaid dresses and I threw out the options he didnt like. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to want to be includes. Just make sure he knows his opinion with be the deciding factor, but you just want to offer suggestions and input.
Post # 12
I will have a say in the groom’s attire as well as the groomsmen. No one has a problem with it. I’m not sure what I would do if he said he didn’t want my input or involved at all. I guess I just wouldn’t give him that option. lol But joking aside, like someone else said, it’s hard to mess up a tux. And, hopefully, his tastes align with yours (i.e. won’t pick out a bright purple suit lol ).
But, him seeing your dress is way different than you helping him pick out a tux. He could have expressed himself better to you. Let him know what he said hurt.
Thank God my SO wants me to choose everything. I never even knew there were guys who cared. Most guys just go along with the bride, her vision, and the wedding theme.
Post # 13
I chose the GM attire. I knew FI would like it anyway, but I wanted dark grey, something with flat front pants and a matching vest. I didn’t want a jacket (too formal for our wedding and I’m not going to make the boys wear vests + long sleeves + jackets in August) anyway. I looked online and then we went in together to look at swatches in person and give them the names and numbers of the GMs. They had the tux we wanted on a mannequin, which was great, so they just measured FI and ordered one in for him.
Post # 14
@MissKit: My FI will most likely have me come with him. We already went once to look just out of curiosity and he was aking my opinion. Looks lliek he will want me to choose what he will wear and the Groomsmen. He wants to make sure that all the colours match etc…
I think that you should be able to go with him once at least and both of you agree on what would work and then he can go with his bridal party after. You know your bridesmaid dresses better then him.
Post # 15
FI is choosing what he and the GM will wear. He decided on suits. He decided on a grey color – just not sure what color yet, lighter or a charcoal, but again that is his call. He knows the BM’s are in eggplant and decided a grey would look the best. I likely won’t go with him to pick out the actual suit and that’s fine. It’s a suit. He wears them all the time for work and will pick a nice one. He has better taste in that sort of thing than I do!
Post # 16
My Fi and I went together and picked out the groomsmen attire. I dont think I wouldve been upset if he wanted to go alone or with the GM.