Post # 1
My FI and I planned on having a May 09 wedding since we were engaged in July 08. The plan was to get married in November secretly before he joined the Army and left for basic training and we would be married in May when he finished his training. Well its February and he hasn’t left for basic yet. He has taken all the tests but his recruiter claims that a mix up at MEPS is holding him up but he will get in,eventually.
My problem is that we have been living together since our engagement and I hate living together and not being married. I thought he would be gone from November til May. Spirtually speaking living with a man I’m not married to is really starting to bother me but the only thing we can afford right now AND anytime soon is a courthouse wedding. We’re still paying on my wedding dress that I ordered in November.
If we did get married, I would feel relief and I don’t plan on hiding it from anyone but I would still worry about how people will react when we decide to do the real thing.
Should we just go ahead and get married?
Post # 3
Personally, I think that since you are so concerned with getting married, then you should go ahead! If you personally are feeling stress from not getting married, then go ahead and have a courthouse wedding. You should concentrate on what you as a couple would like, and not worry so much about what other people would think. You can always save up and have a bigger wedding!
Post # 4
What does your fiance say about this? I know with the military it’s a much more common thing to do a JOP ceremony before they leave (either on deployments, basic training, etc.).
Post # 5
I’m sorry you’re in a tough spot. I appreciate that you want to do what you think is right, spiritually. So whatever makes you feel better is probably the way to go. And it sounds like what’s best for you is to get married. (Try not to worry about what others will think.) However, if spiritually, you have a problem living with him, I’d think you wouldn’t feel complete until you had a spiritual wedding.
Post # 6
If you decide to wait for a wedding, could you alter your living situation somehow to make yourself feel better about it? Like move with with your parents or friends for a few months, stay in the spare bedroom, that sort of thing.
Post # 7
Thanks for the advice. My finace wants to marry me no matter when or where. He doesn’t care if its at the courthouse or somewhere else. He’s not concerned with a big wedding anyway.
I have thought about changing our living situation but I lost me job Feb. 4th so I won’t be able to afford it anymore.
Post # 8
You could always have the private courthouse wedding and then in May have a ceremony where you say your vows in a church, or in front of your family and friends.
Post # 9
If it bothers you that much, you should get married.. then have a celebration in May like what rosychicklet said. I have a friend who got married before in a small ceremony (with family members present) before their actual ceremony because of living situation/getting a house.. so I don’t see anything wrong with that! 🙂
Post # 10
Personally, my fiance and I were in the same boat. We talked about having one of those quick weddings before he got deployed, knowing fully well we wanted a big wedding when he came home. We decided NOT to, though. The divorce rate is 80% for that kind of marriage. Sad but true, and we decided to hold out and do it right I guess. Now that he is back, I am so glad he did. I got to plan a wedding while he was gone for 15 months, which kept me busy and hopeful, waiting for him to return. It just feels like this big Look We Did it sort of thing. But if you’re that antsy and want to do it, then do it. I know lots of people who did and who are glad they did. Looking back, the extra 1500 a month would have been nice now that we have a mortgage….1500 times 15 is a LOT of money we don’t have. OH WELL. Good luck and welcome to the Army, LOL.
Post # 11
I’m with rosychicklet and Sal75! Mostly b/c that’s what we did, actually. We were engaged in March 2008 and married at the courthouse in November 2008. But we did it mostly for financial reasons (taxes) since we are paying for pretty much everything (wedding, honeymoon, someday our own home) ourselves. The courthouse wedding was an adventure! It was in San Francisco, CA so you can imagine. It was fun and exciting and I loved every second, and only our closest friends and immediate family know.
But we know that it’s not the same as sharing our individually written vows before ALL of our family and friends. We plan to have a larger ceremony to share and celebrate our new life together and follow up with a grand party 🙂
Wish you the best!
Post # 12
I’ve had friends and cousins do something like this. My friends were engaged and trying to save up for a wedding, but then they did a slapdash wedding because she was about to lose her health insurance (she’s type 1 diabetic) and she needed to hop onto his before she lost her insulin coverage. They already had a whoops baby before then while engaged (doc told her she was infertile, so she went of bc, and a month later she was preggers).
Other cousins decided to elope instead and then held a reception a few weeks later. I never heard anyone complain about it, and it seems more common now. Some of my classmates did a JOP marriage last semester and when they have some money, they will hold a vow renewal closer to a traditional wedding. Stuff like that is way more common and acceptable now. Do what is best for you two!