(Closed) Should I give in or stand my ground?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

You know how it goes, they pay, they dictate.  Try inquiring why he wants these traditions so badly.

Post # 4
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

is it really that important to you not to have it? it’s only takes a few seconds to do that, and sometimes you just have to pick your battles.

Post # 5
Member
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Maybe you could say that since your wedding is on a Friday, which is the Sabath for Jews, that it would be inappropriate to have the Challah, since you are already “breaking” the customs?

Post # 6
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

I was going to post the same thing as artbee. 

Post # 9
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Is your dad not going to pay if he cant do that? If so I wouldnt say anything if it was me.

Post # 11
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

we did this at my brother’s bar mitzvah.  i say just keep the peace and let him do it.  but if he does it- he can be in charge of the whole thing, ya know, so it will be clear that this isn’t you and your FI’s sentiment, but his.

Post # 13
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Wait, but you’re getting married on Friday evening?  That’s crazy.

Try to ask your dad why this challah things is so important to him… he must have some kind of positive association with it or something…

Post # 15
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - The Pearl S. Buck House

Challah is delish at least… but usually in these situations with me, I’ll listen to my parents, tell them I don’t want it, they tell me they do, then I stew about it and when it comes to decision time I push back hard until they say “oh hunny, it’s your day! I wish you wouldn’t get upset!” Which will infuriate me because why didn’t they say that before? 

Maybe just even more relentless rational debate about why you don’t want this, and why would he even want it…? 

Weddings bring out religion in some of the least religious, I’ve found.

If you lose, which would stink because it IS your day, the challah blessing is at least really quick in my limited experiences with it.

Post # 16
Member
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If you have a good relationship with the Rabbi doing it, can you ask HIM to tell your father that it would be innapropriate since it is on a Friday?  He does not have to lie, but if the wedding is on friday, there is no mention of god, and no religion at all… I think the Rabbi might be willing to say that it would be hypocritcal and kind of blasphemous almost.

 

Ask him to do a toast to you both instead so that he can still be the center of attention, but it is in a non-religious fashion.

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