Post # 1
Ok hive, this is my first time writing a post and I need some advice! **And a disclaimer: I have nothing against teen mom’s, just this specific situation**
My FI’s 19- year old sister is pregnant and due in April. This is her third pregnancy but first actual baby (the other two happened in high school and were, taken care of). Baby daddy is her boyfriend (same guy for all three pregnancies) but she isn’t even allowed to mention his name in the house! To her family he does not exist because he is just a really bad influence, and she technically isn’t allowed to see him.
This girl is insanely immature, causes her family so much grief, and is just plain rude. I have been dating Fiance for a year and a half and have probably seen her about 10 times, even though she lives at home. I 1000% do not support this girl and her pregnancy because I know she won’t be able to support it and the burden is going to fall on her family.
To be fair, she has never done anything specifically to me except be rude on occasion. However, she has caused relationship problems because Fiance is sometimes asked to “babysit” if his parents want to go out for the night (she has a history of sneaking out of the house to see Baby Daddy). Her actions really stress Fiance out a lot.
Now for the dilemma. Her baby shower is on Feb 20 and I really do not want to go because I don’t want to support this pregnancy or her. Yes I know the baby is my future niece so it complicates things even more. Normally I would just have Fiance tell his family I am busy, but it is also his mother’s birthday :/
I was thinking of sending a card with the Fiance and not attending, except I don’t have any well wishes to send her, just the baby. What would you do??
Post # 3
Wow that’s definetly a complicated situation. I would probably just send a card and have your Fiance pick it out (since you don’t really want to burn bridges with his family) but I wouldn’t go to the shower.
Post # 4
I’d send a gift for the baby. Baby needs things. And that baby may need a lot of help in the future if teen mom and dad don’t get their acts together.
She’s 19…i’m surprised she hasn’t eloped with the dude.
I’d suddenly find myself “busy” though.
Post # 5
Ouch! What a dilemma! I agree with MissAsB. Ask your FH if he’d pick out a card and send that along. From what it sounds like your future in-laws already don’t like the way this girl acts so I don’t think they’ll be angry at you for not supporting her.
But seriously? Once is an accident, twice is stupid and three times is just mental. Learn how to use contraception! Hopefully when you and FH are married she’ll look to you as a kind of a role model. Or you can be an unobtrusive one.
Post # 6
Gift her a package of condoms. Anonymously of course =]
Post # 7
I might be the odd one out here, but I have to say that I think you should go. At least for the baby’s sake. And to be supportive for the rest of the family (I’m thinking of his mom here). Certainly the situation is not ideal, and you don’t have to approve, but family is family. And you are joining his right? I say grin and bear it. It sounds like the baby will definitely need a supportive family.
Post # 8
I’d send a gift and card, but not attend the shower. It’s not baby’s fault she’s stupid.I mean really…3 times?
your FI’s mom and I have the same birthday, funny! = )
Post # 9
I would send a gift for the baby, and a card, maybe saying something like: hoping the best for you baby!
Post # 11
@ejs, lol, I’d totally anonymously send condoms if it were me.
Post # 12
Buy gifts that ONLY THE BABY can use (ie diaper, formula, etc.). Do NOT give cash or gift cards because you know that’s not going to go straight to the baby. The card should be: Dear Baby…welcome to the world! Or something along those lines. Not, “Dear Soon to Be Mom! I’m so happy for you” Because obviously, you are not thrilled for the future of this baby given the not so responsible mom & dad. Don’t feel guilty not attending the shower as long as you send a gift to the baby. It’s kinda weird faking being “super happy for the mom” when you don’t feel she’s a fit mother. Best of all….when the baby comes, give the baby ALL THE LOVE YOU CAN GIVE AS AN AUNT! Lord knows the baby will need all the positive influences in his/her life.
(While you’re out buying the gift for the baby, how about a box of condoms for the mom & dad? Perhaps they can use it next time. Just kidding.)
Post # 13
I don’t think I would go, but I agree with everyone else… send a present and a card for the baby ;]
Post # 14
What I would like to say in this situtation is that you ought not to go, just send a card with a gift card or present for the baby with your Fiance. However, what I will say is that you Should go. Don’t think of it as supporting crazy Future Sister-In-Law or her actions, but rather as supporting your Fiance (who is probably stressed out enough by the situtation as it is), as well as building unbreakable bonds with his family. I don’t know what your relationship with your Future In-Laws is, but this could only go towards strengthing that bond (or creating one, as the case might be) and showing them that you take joining your families together seriously. I disagree with my Future Brother-In-Law and his actions almost completely, but I still go to his birthday parties because it makes my Fiance and his family happy to know that I’ve taken the effort to be there, even if I’m not happy about it. And isn’t that what family is- doing stuff for them even when you disagree with them?
Post # 15
I don’t think that buying a gift/showing up for the shower is necessarily equivalent to supporting her choices. If it were me, I would go and bring a gift to show support for your future in-laws and the family. Honestly, they’re probably going to have to give her and the baby a lot of support (financial, emotional, etc…) if she’s 19 and still needs a “babysitter” when her parents go out of the house. They’ll probably pretty grateful to have a FDIL who is so understanding and helpful to the family! 🙂
Post # 16
who’s throwing the shower? if it’s her and your fi’s mom, i’d for sure go, to support your in-laws, who it sounds like may end up playing a large role in raising the baby. i don’t really think attending the shower necessarily signifies that you do agree with her actions, and i mean, it is your future niece. if the decision’s been made to keep the baby, then that’s kind of the end of discussion about whether you agree or don’t agree with her actions, anyway.