(Closed) Should I go home to see my mom?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I wouldn’t go. For various reasons, first she didn’t bother to attend your wedding, her daugther for such bad reasons (really you are giving more attention to your “new” family?).

Seconds, she turned your sister against you, and that it’s just bad and says alot about her personalaty. 

And final, you don’t want to go, so deep down you feel that you have more important things to do. So in my opinion, I wouldn’t go, but that is something only you can decide. 

:hug:

 

Post # 4
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy

@gomeme201320131:  I would. Many people may tell you that she was rude, and you are under no obligation to… And I kind of agree… Except

 

1) you moving away period was probably not easy on her emotionally

 

2) that emotional stress may have affected her reaction to your wedding being far away. 

 

3) she is your mom and your future kids grandma. This wound needs to be healed.

 

4) these wounds are hard to heal long-distance.

 

5) If you are planning on starting a family, when is your next chance to fix this? After years of bitterness on both sides?

 

6) never have I ever regretted a trip home if I had been feeling a need. Not even when it was ungodly expensive and ridiculously short. If i have felt a slight desire to go home, even if it seemed inconvenient or crazy, I have spent so much money on 15 hour flights for 5 day trips, and never have I said: seeing my family was not worth that.  It is always worth it. I think your situation is one of those: you have that inkling feeling that maybe you should go. . . 

 

Post # 5
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would try to forgive your mother and sister. I live abroad and know how hard it is on my family. It’s sad, but most people consider their home country to be “normal” and other places to be “strange.” They were probably offended because they thought your wedding didn’t meet their expectations. Don’t let you wedding change the relationship you have had and will have with them for your whole life. 

Post # 6
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

No you don’t have to go. I think it would be big of you to forgive your mom and sister for that and try to move on. But, now that you’re married and trying to plan a family of your own, you must budget your holidays and money in a way that goes with your goals. It sounds like buying a ticket back right now would not at all fit in with your family plans. It’s hard. I know, I also live abroad and I sometimes feel like a jerk when my family says something presumptive about me just “coming back” for whatever reason. I only have so much vacation time, and it literally costs us thousands of dollars to go back – particularly together – not to mention what gets spent on transportation and all sorts of other stuff when we’re in the US. I think they’re starting to get it, but I really had to be consistent on correcting a few uncalled-for comments when we announced a vacation somewhere (much cheaper, much closer) alone. I love my family and miss them dearly, but they are not entitled to every single dollar I earn or every minute of vacation time. 

*hugs* hang in there.

Post # 8
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@gomeme201320131:  It’s really tough! Hang in there and try to be consistent for a few years. I gets better! My whole thing has also been “We need to figure this out NOW because once we have kids, I’m not going to have 2 sets of family (mine and inlaws) giving us grief because we want to take our kids somewhere that ISNT their house.” There’s been some silly holiday expectations in the past ,and I’m pretty sure that we’re getting closer to having that all figured out too. Thank god. 

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