Post # 1
SO and I have been talking about rings for a while now, and we found a vendor here in NYC that sells antique stones (which is what I want – reduce, reuse, recycle!). I have spoken with the seller once, and they’re well reviewed on Pricescope. SO made an appt for Friday to go look at the diamonds, and apparently the company will also be able to get our setting made.
I’m a bit of a planner/Type A/control freak, and my SO was really lost to begin with, so he asked for ideas, we went shopping, etc. I was glad we did so I could find what I really wanted. I’ve been fairly specific about what shape stone and he has some inspiration pics for the setting.
So, to the point, SO asked if I just wanted to go with him on Friday. He said he was trying to keep this whole glamourous allure of secretive everything, but we’ve been talking about it a bunch already and he wants to make sure I love what I get. I’m torn. Part of me does want to manage over the whole process and pick it out, but I also just want him to run with what I’ve told him. Have him really take control of that process. I’m also indecisive… and I don’t really want to be in the know of the budget, and he knows I don’t want him to spend too much (we’ve discussed some specifics).
So, do I go? I’m such an over organized planner, but I kind of want him to have the last say about everything. Thoughts? Anyone else had/have a similar situation? I also figured I could just email the seller to give him my two cents, so it can still be a surprise, but that seems a little bit overkill. Help!
Post # 3
I would, and did, but then I’m nosey
Post # 4
Is there any way you can go along, give your two cents about a the handful of rings you like and then leave while he makes up his mind, that way preserving both the control and the surprise element? That is unless you fall in love with just one ring!
Post # 5
I think this is a very personal choice. I went with my SO to pick out my e-ring. We both were just going to look so he could get an idea of what I like, other than what I had already showed him online. I was afraid he would get something with too much bling on it, I wanted something really simple and no too expensive. When we went to look at e-rings I completely fell in love with one that I tried on. So we got it. He picked it up and gave it to me. We were already engaged before I had an e-ring anyways so I guess it didn’t seem like a big deal to us. Also he showed me a ring he would have gotten and while it was nice, it also was very blingy three stone diamond ring with tiny diamonds all around the band. I don’t know if I described it well, but it was not something I think I would have been comfortable wearing.
Just think about what is more important to you. Having your SO pick out your ring for you or being very active picking out your own ring?
Post # 6
My FI did everything himself. Of course we had talked about it, and I had emailed him some rings I liked. But, in the end he did it himself. Honestly, I would have NEVER picked this one, but it’s perfect! My vote is to let him do it himself. I love to be in control, but not being in control of this one thing was absoutely perfect for us. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes, and this was one of those times.
Post # 7
I agree with @xicaB that it is such a personal choice. We had such a great time choosing the ring together…it was an experience I was glad to be a part of. Since for us it was the first step in getting married, it felt so great to share it together. Also, I was still surprised when he proposed– and the ring looks a million times better when it is officially yours:)
Post # 8
I’m a type A planner — in some ways it is sad that the suprise element isn’t there (to an extent, though I’m picking out my own ring, BF will decide how, where, and when to acutally ask) but am incredibly pleased that I get to pick my ring so I know it will be something I will love forever…
If you want to keep some surprise, pick a couple and then leave and let your BF handle the rest…
Post # 9
Thanks for the feedback guys! Still not sure, gotta think it over. I’m going to talk to SO about it again, see if he has an opinion. The meeting on Friday I think is just to pick the actual diamond, then I guess SO will show him some pics of settings. Sigh, what to do!
Post # 10
YES go…if he asked then he might want you there
Post # 11
I would definitely go! Then again, I knew every detail about what was happening with my ring but my FI still managed to completely surprise me!
Post # 12
I would go. I think if you do go, you will be able to sleep well at night knowing you covered all the bases you wanted to. Plus, I LOVED going ring shopping with my FI, and I think you will have a lot of fun doing it together! 🙂
Post # 13
I picked mine and he picked his.
Post # 14
I would go along for at least one meeting so that he can get a very specific idea of what you’d like (and the jeweler can, too), and then let him pick the stone himself. Perhaps even narrow it down to a handful of stones, then let him take over from there.
Personally, I thought I had told my fiance exactly what I wanted, but it got completely misinterpreted when he met with the diamond wholesaler. A lot of men (and, actually, people in general) have a tendancy to grab onto one word or phrase and not really see the big picture of what you want. Particularly if you’re type A, I think it would put you both at ease to give input on specific stones, even if you don’t ultimately make the final decision.
Post # 15
I went with my FI and picked out everything – setting, the exact stone, etc. We are both very particular people and I’m pretty sure he was glad I was there to pick it out to make sure that I 100% loved it. My is a handset custom ring, so while I saw the setting in store (with a lower quality diamond), I never saw it with my diamond in it, so that part was still a surprise. It totally suits our relationship and works for us and I think it would’ve been a lot of pressure on his end to go into this blind. In addition, I have a fancy cut (versus a round) so you really have to see it in person, rather than going off of numbers. For example, I could tell him I want 1.2 carats, F, VS1 and whatever, but just those specs alone could yield widely different diamonds when it comes to fancy cuts.
It is difficult to go in and pick out the stone with him though, if you don’t want to know his budget. I mean, the best case scenario would be that all the ones you love are below his budget. The worst case would be if you love all the ones that are in the higher range of his budget, or too expensive for him altogether. I knew FI’s budget going into this, and it was helpful in setting both of our expectations. I actually came in on the lower-middle range of what FI was expecting.
Post # 16
We both picked our rings so I would say yes.