Should I go to a college friends wedding even though we've barely talked in 4yrs

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
5808 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

KristinaF:  If  you haven’t been in touch much since college and cant afford the trip, dont go. I know you want to be supportive and show her how happy you are for her. So I would buy something expensive off the registry (or send cash) and write a really nice, heartfelt note. 

Post # 3
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

KristinaF:  No. Do not go. When I invited people to my wedding from far away, I 100% understood that they could not attend. I was just trying to be nice. Cheer your FI on on his race!  She was probably trying to be polite and invite you but honestly save your money, time and vacation days!

Post # 4
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would send a nice gift or check with a handwritten heartfelt note so she understands that while your heart wants to be there it just didn’t work out because of time/cost/other commitments. I don’t think she will fault you for that. My best friend from college didn’t attend our wedding but did just that and I was super touched (she was in a gruling post-grad program hours away so I understood completely). 


Eta: Also nice doesn’t mean expensive! My friend sent a gorgeous picture frame to my shower and a small check for the wedding and her being a student I was blown away. 

Post # 5
8847 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Personally I LOVE going to college friends’ weddings even if we don’t see them or talk to them very much.  (I’ve been done for 10 years now.) It’s such a great way to catch up with your old group of friends, even though we usually have to fly across the country.  And I was psyched that my 5 best friends from college flew in from the east and west coasts to rural Wyoming for our wedding.

But if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it.  Just don’t underestimate how much fun it might be to reconnect with your other friends (provided other friends will be attending?)

Post # 6
6446 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t go.

Post # 7
1834 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

KristinaF:  I wouldn’t go, but I would send a nice card and gift.

Post # 8
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I’d say just don’t go.

Post # 10
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

KristinaF:  I would politely decline and send my best wishes. If you haven’t talked much it may just be a courtesy invite and it probably won’t be that big of a deal if you don’t go. I know I’ve invited a couple people I’m not as close to anymore just because it would seem rude if I didn’t.

Stay home, save the money, support your FI and send them a nice card if you want.

Post # 11
82 posts
Worker bee

KristinaF:  I wouldn’t go.  A friend you have barely talked to in 4 years means you have no obligation to go.  Save your money for your own wedding. Send a card and a nice message and you’ve done your part.

Post # 12
31 posts
  • Wedding: February 2015

If you cant afford it, have to attedn alone, and feel like you should support your fiance…. then don’t go! She probably just invited you to be nice…how would you feel if she was your best friend from college was gwetting married and didnt invite you?….probably a little resentful!

Send her a nice card! and make plans to stay in touch but don’t feel obligate to accept an invitation that was most likely given out of courtesy.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  sniques.
Post # 13
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013


KristinaF:  although it will be nice to see college friends – going across country for an old friends wedding is a bit excessive.  I wouldnt go and just send a gift with a card. 

Post # 14
744 posts
Busy bee

If you think you would really enjoy the reuinion with other college friends, I would consider it, but otherwise, I think it’s completely fine to skip it.  A heartfelt card and gift will be just fine.

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