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... people who are not invited to the wedding shouldn't be invited to the showers. Period. So that's really weird that you're getting all these invites!
Typically the same guests are invited to shower and wedding...unless of course if your officemates decided to throw an office shower knowing you're not invited to wedding. Maybe the hosts of the events is unaware and just invited the same group. I would probably choose one, not both
I would go only if you really like your co-worker and would be happy to go. If it's out of obligation or if you don't want to go (which seems to be the case), I would not go at all. If I were invited to a bridal shower, I'd expect to be invited to the wedding, as well. I am also not a big fan of showers so I'd be quite annoyed if I were you, tbh, to not be invited to the wedding but to the shower.
I don't see why she couldn't invite you and your other co-workesr, anyway. To save on invitation costs? All of my guests are from out of state and I invited everyone I'd like to attend, even to those whose chance of coming is not high due to distance. I thought it was more important/better to invite than not to invite, and whether they come or not is up to them.
But this is just mho.
I wouldn't go to the shower. That's pushing a bit on the gift grabby scale. It'd be one thing if you guys, knowing you weren't going to be invited, decided on your own to host a little shower for her. You're already going to her bachelorette and are bringing a little gift there, that's enough.
How friendly are you with this girl? I am kind of weirded out by her "I'm not inviting you unless you REALLY want to go" thing. She should be inviting who she wants there. If people can't go, then they decline with regret. You don't ask people to make a decision before you even send an invite.
@MissACS: Only one of the girls at the office is really close with her (and is going to the wedding), the rest of us it's more like "your friends because you work together" but we rarely hang out outside of work.
Even though none of use were deeply offended, let me tell you that the verbal "noninvite" conversation was quite awkward!
@JoonBee: You're right that I don't want to go, but I worry that if even just a few of the girls choose to not go it'll ruin her evening since there only about 10 people invited. And I'd hate to do that to a fellow bride-to-be
Another issue is that she's not exactly registered at affordable stores like Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond.
I know it is common to have a "work shower" where everyone is invited. I prob. wouldn't go if you A) Aren't that close B) Already bought a gift for the other party and C) Aren't invited to the wedding.
I agree if your not going to the wedding than no shower invites. I was invited to a small shower with about 15 girl friends and then when the wedding invite didn't come my way I felt it was really tacky. So did about 5 of the other girls who weren't invited to the wedding but where there too. Awkward...
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A co-worker of mine is getting married in about a month. She point-blank told several of us at the office that she would not be inviting us to the wedding unless we really wanted to go since she figured we wouldn't want to the travel the several hundred miles to attend. (Which is true and I don't think any of us were offended by this)
Recently, her future SIL sent out evites for a bachelorette party to most of us at the office. We're all planning on coming and bringing nice/naughty gifts like sexy panties and lotions :)
What threw us for a loop was when a few days later an evite went out for her bridal shower the next week. It seems like its the same group of 8-10 girls invited and does not include really any family (i.e. aunts, cousins, grandmas, etc). Does this seem a little out of line to anyone?
None of us are technically invited to the wedding and most of us are far from well-off and are feeling a bit put-on by having to bring a gift to this bridal shower. Would you still go to this bridal shower?
Thanks for any advice!!!