(Closed) Should I Go To Their Wedding?!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should I Go To Their Wedding?
    Yes - Be The Bigger Person : (42 votes)
    38 %
    No - You Will Just Make Things Worse : (70 votes)
    63 %
  • Post # 3
    396 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I think in this situation being the bigger person is not going!  Amy doesn’t like you because now for her you represent the cheating (even though obviously it wasn’t your fault!) and she doesn’t want that reminder.  I would just respect her feelings on this one day and not attend so she doesn’t have to be reminded of the cheating on her wedding day.  

    Post # 4
    1326 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I would like to know why you chose to insert youself into their relationship in the first place. It sounds like it really wasn’t any of your business. 

    I would not go if I were you. 

    Post # 5
    228 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I probably wouldn’t attend, especially with it being a destination wedding though two things seem odd to me:

    – Why would Matt ask your husband to be the best man knowing how much dislike Amy has for you?  You’re kind of a package deal?

    – If Matt is your friend and trying to build back the relationship, why isn’t asking Amy to be at least hospitable around you?

    It almost seems like the only one paying for this affair is you ):

    Post # 6
    4439 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    I personally wouldn’t go, not because it will make things worse as your poll says, but because like you mention in your OP you’re paying to go to their Destination Wedding and probably won’t enjoy yourself.


    Amy sounds like a very hateful person unless there is more to that story!  I think that if Matt really wanted you there he would push Amy to be a nicer person, but apparently he’s fine with her the way she is if he’s marrying her!

    Post # 9
    661 posts
    Busy bee

    @solidarity:  If you read the whole thing, it clearly states that she informed her husband. I would do too! She did not go blabbing to Amy or Matt, she told the man she trusts the most! So no, she did not INSERT herself and it is not her fault.

    Post # 10
    8526 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    either you both go or neither of you go.

    Post # 11
    264 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @solidarity:  She went to her husband and her husband confronted his friend. How is that her inserting herself in their relationship. I would want someone to tell me if they knew my husband were cheating but I wouldn’t be mad at that person I would be mad at my husband.


    @MrsGreen23:  I understand that your husband has been friends with Matt for many years but you are his WIFE he shouldn’t go if you aren’t welcomed ..IMO.. I wouldn’t go to the wedding if I were you. Sorry you are in this situation.

    Post # 12
    3429 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @MrsGreen23:  So your husband will travel to this wedding without you while you sit at home like an outcast? I feel sorry for you:) You didn’t do anything wrong. this Amy is misdirecting her anger with her Fiance at you and that’s really shitty. I suppose I wouldn’t go if I never received an invitation, but if I did get one..I’d be there mainly because my presence would piss her off and I’d toast their marriage with my completely FAITHFUL husband by my side:) 

    Post # 13
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    @MrsGreen23:  I agree with a PP that you and your husband are a package deal. I wouldn’t go to their wedding, and I also would expect my husband to do the same. My Fiance would never put me in a situation like that – he always puts my needs first. Why should you guys have to spend money on going to a wedding when the bride is a total bitch to you? No, way

    I completely understand that you felt a moral obligation to speak up about the cheating, but those situations almost never end well (as you’ve learned). It’s not your fault, but you’re paying the price. The way I see it, you’ve done all you can and have made an effort many times. I wouldn’t have people like that in my life.

    ETA: I just saw a comment where you said Amy comes first to Matt, as she should. In that case, you should come first to your husband and he needs to present a united front with you. It’s bullshit that Amy is taking out her relationship problems on you and I don’t think you should have to deal with it.

    Post # 14
    503 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would go to be with my Fiance, and just pretend everything is normal.  Then again, I like to travel, get dressed up, and eat cake.  I would just smile and be polite and friendly.  But that’s just me!  I definitely wouldn’t advocate you going if it makes you uncomfortable, but it sounds like Matt is trying to make some kind of amends, in spite of his fiancee’s feelings on the matter, which might be worth honoring.  Basically, I wouldn’t feel guilty no matter what you decide – this is a tough situation, so you really can’t be wrong.


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