Post # 1
My fiance knows next to nothing about weddings. He’d never even been to a wedding as an adult until we started dating.
And the guys who are his groomsmen know only a teeny bit more (3 are engaged but I don’t think any of them have been in other weddings).
I’m thinking of asking him to get them all together for dinner or something just to go over the major points like date and time, rehearsal, tuxes, transportation, stuff like that.
My question: Is it okay if I’m there? I trust that my fiance and these guys are relatively intelligent and responsible, but they are young men who have next to no experience with events like this and I just want to make sure all the little details get covered. And one of them is totally clueless about life in general (as in, he’s never bought a pair of shoes or an article of clothing for himself – his mother or fiance has always done it. SMH). < so you can see why I’m a little paranoid.
I just don’t want to come off as catty or demanding. I am a relatively low maintenance bride as far as my expectations, but I do have anxiety so even if things are simple and sweet, I agonize over stupid little details and I don’t want anyone to do something stupid like show up with a wrinkled, ill-fitting tux or not realize that he has to take the day BEFORE the wedding off from work too (another thing he was clueless about).
So did anyone do this and how did it go? Any suggestions?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I think that would be fine. Just because they’re groomsmen doesn’t mean you can’t interact with them, and I’m sure they all know that you’re doing the bulk of the planning
Post # 4
I think you will come off as a bridezilla if you attempt to attend. If you are that worried that the men can’t figure out what to do without your direction I would draft an email for him to send them.
You can include whatever information you think they need to have, but it really should come from your FI.
Post # 5
Why don’t you do it at your house, order them pizza or cook them something, maybe get them some beer. While they are eating go over everything with them and then disappear and let them hang out just guys. Keep everything fun and don’t get stressed if they start goofing off. Just get the info out and tell them if they have any questions call FI.
Post # 6
I think inserting yourself into what is your groom’s territory is a bit out of bounds; I would simply ask the groom to spend a little time on the Internet, come up with his ideas and interpretation of how things are supposed to go, then talk together to make sure you’re both on the same page.
This may have the happy side-effect of giving your fiance a sense of accomplishment when the day is done, which would (hopefully) translate into him being more capable to figure things out on his own the next time he’s in an unfamiliar situation. There will be many firsts for you in your lives together; would you rather have to have a meeting with him for all of them, or have him talk to google on his own and find his own way?
Post # 7
My FI is responsible for wrangling his men. We have discussions about stuff, he passes on the information they need. He picked out the tuxes all by himself and then called and emailed each one with all the particulars. Funny enough, it’s all getting done.
Post # 8
I have the same worry about my groom and his boys. I’m playing with the idea of inviting the entire bridal party to dinner at our house as a way for the groomsmen to meet the bridesmaid in a relaxing atmosphere while still getting the info out. My entire BP is local though so that may not work for you
Post # 9
My husband and I honestly just sent everyone an email and said “here’s what you need to do/where you need to be at what times” and then folks emailed us back with any questions. I don’t really think that it’s rocket science for them lol. Just make sure that they know where they need to get fitted for their tuxes/pick them up/when and the timeline of events (and any transportation if you’re offering it)…from there, I can imagine they can figure it out.
Post # 10
I’d perhaps just make a list and talk your groom through it. Most of the stuff is just common sense anyway so make sure he’s happy with it and he can then use the list to inform his groomsmen. That way you get the peace of mind of knowing that there is a list but you don’t get involved in what really is guys time. I’d just be careful to frame it as a ‘hey babe, just to help you out a bit, here’s something to get you started with the grooms stuff, you can take it from here’ rather than ‘here’s a list of things you need to do, and I will constantly check if they are all getting done.’
Just speaking from experience here, I’m a type-A control freak who has had to learn the mantra ‘I’m marrying a very intelligent and perfectly capable man. Let go and put some trust in him.’ <repeat>
I’m sure you’re not as bad as I am but this approach worked for me!
Post # 11
Depends. My groomsmen consisted of my own brother and 2 guys I am also good friends with, so I hung out with them plenty during wedding planning. If you’re not close with these guys, though, then it could be weird.
I think as long as you have a good way of communicating what needs to be done and when, you should be fine, no formal luncheon necessary.
Post # 12
You could try but I don’t think they’ll pay any attention to you, they’ll start goofing off, and you’ll get mad and lose your temper. You know how “boys” are when they all get together.
I would just let it go. They’re grown men and I’m sure they can handle things. Just make sure you communicate everything to you FI and he communicates it to his best man. I’m sure everyhing will work out fine. 🙂