Should I Have A Heart To Heart?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well, I definitely wouldn’t tell him that she’s controlling him – that’ll just put him on the defensive. Does he ask you about this relationship? If so, it’s certainly fine to share your real opinions. Or does he complain about parts of his relationship. I think it would be fine to be supportive of him by saying that if he’s unhappy with something in the relationship, he should fight for what he wants. 

Basically, if you go in attacking the relationship, I don’t think it will work and you’ll upset him and piss her off, if she finds out. But I think you’ll have better luck if you go in trying to support him and build him up to know that he deserves someone who respects him. You can talk about how compromise is important for every relationship and that means that it has to go both ways. Ask if there’s anything you can do. But mostly listen. Let him talk about the relationship and that will do more to make him think about it, which may bring him around to realizing it may not be the best relationship.

Post # 3
115 posts
Blushing bee

Did he ask you for your opinion about his relationship? If not, I wouldn’t bring it up to him as it’s really none of your business. If he asked you then go ahead, but choose your words wisely. I, for instance, wouldn’t call her “controlling” or say she dresses “provocatively”.

Post # 4
42082 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MrsSparkle10:  For gosh sake, he’s a grown adut. If he is infatuated with her to the point of cutting back on his involvement with his church, having a physical relationship when “he wanted to wait”, putting up with her tantrums etc etc , it’s clear he is getting something out of this.

Let him make his own decisions.

Post # 5
2113 posts
Buzzing bee

MrsSparkle10:  Next time he is down in the dumps about the relationship or he tells you something about it – it is ok to express your opinion. If you tell him and he doesn’t make any changes – well you said your part and you can support him through whatever he decides. But yes, i think you should say something when the timing is right.

Post # 6
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

MrsSparkle10:  When he asks for your opinion, be honest and tell him what you have observed. 

I have to say, though, that this sounds like a problem with him more than anything. He’s way too meek for my tastes. He should be able to make his own decisions and speak up when he has something to say. If he chooses not to, there is nothing you or anyone else can do. Maybe he likes the physical aspect of the relationship and that is clouding his judgment. 

Post # 8
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’s not worth saying anything. If you DO say something negative, and they get married, she will always know you as the “person who tried to break them up”, and she will never let him forget it. Because he will tell her what you said, even if he swears he won’t. You don’t want to be that person, because at that point, you can say goodbye to the friendship. 

Post # 9
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

A lot of people will tell you that it’s none of your business, to stay out of it, he’s a grown man, yadda yadda yadda.  But I think you should say something to him.  One of the great things about friends is that they will be honest with you,  tell you what you don’t want to hear, and let you know when you are being an idiot.  I’d tell your friend that you’ll support him no matter what, but you are concerned about X, Y, and Z. 

Post # 10
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If he’s as good of a friend as you say, I would say something about it. Especially if you know he knows all this deep down. It’s not like he’s madly in love with her and delusional about how happy they are — he knows something’s not right. He just sounds way too scared to do anything about it. Knowing he has a friend that understands, and is someone he can rely on to be there for him if he needs some major life support would be helpful.<br /><br />My mom is dating someone who is SO SHITTY to her. She knows it but she’s terrified of not finding someone else. You think I just let her do her thing? No, we are close, I tell her like it is. I piss her off sometimes. But you know what? She comes back to me after every conversation to tell me I’m right and that she’s just too afraid of being alone to get out. Sounds a lot like your friend. If you guys are really that close, your friendship will be fine. 

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