Post # 1
My bf of 10 years told a lie about his where he is going to be tonight. He said he was going meet with some of the guys from work at a bar for beer. Usually we go to each other’s work events but this time around he said since it’s just going to be the guys that iit would be weird for me to go.
I agreed and we left it at that couple days ago. Fast forward to yesterday I saw on his phone that he’s really going to a get together hosted by a girl at his job and there are going to be other female co workers at the bar. The other girl even asked my boyfriend to bring me but my boyfriend said something like I don’t think my girlfriend is going to like me getting drunk around other girls. He went on to say he has to live a little and life is too short. He also said that he would still bring a guest but I have no idea who the other guest is and if it’s someone I should be worried about.
I’m considered hiring a PI tonight to see what he is up to but it’s expensive! I can’t ask anyone I know either since we have the same friends. I really want know the truth but I also don’t know if I’m going too far and need some sense talked into me. My heart hurts so bad right now since he was able to lie to my face. We were saving for something important and I feel bad for using the money toward this but the pain I feel seems to be taking over.
Should I hire a PI and is it worth the money?
This topic was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by bluesparkles.
Post # 2
Oh man that’s so tricky. I’m sorry he’s being dishonest, maybe you should just ask him what his deal is. Is he not happy anymore in the relationship to want to “live a little”. If u want to investigate be your own PI. Or just show up to the party yourself, you said some coworker asked if you were coming. Contact them and get an invite, show up later on and see what ur bf is doing.
Post # 3
It would be a little short notice to hire a private detective. However, certainly something is up. Keep “investigating” and in the future, you may want to bring a detective into this.
Post # 4
bluesparkles: If it has gotten to the point in a relationship that your thought is to hire a PI then you should just call it quits. Anyway this turns out trust in the relationship is shot.
Post # 5
No. No. No.
Why don’t you just talk to him? If you can’t trust him to be honest when you confront him, then you shouldn’t be together at all. This is an incredible breach of his trust, and a relationship-ending move if he finds out. No matter what this person finds, it will make your relationship worse. And what about next time he goes out? Are you going to live your life checking up on him?
Talk to him. And if you can’t do that then you need to move on.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Agreed that a PI is pointless. You know he lied and even if his “guest” is a guy friend, he clearly is wanting to party away from you. A discussion needs to happen. I would prepare yourself.
Post # 7
I’d rather part with my lying boyfriend than my hard earned money.
Post # 8
I would probably just break up with him and use the money to treat myself to something nice. I agree with other PPs, there is obviously no trust in the relationship if you’re even considering hiring a PI.
Post # 9
My mom is a private investigator and she always says that if you’re concerned enough that your partner is cheating to hire a PI, then they probably are and you shout just save your money.
Post # 10
bluesparkles: I don’t think you need to hire a PI for something that you already know is happening. Honestly, I would just show up at the bar (probably with a friend). It might not be the best thing to do, but he can’t really lie if he’s caught red handed. I would be interested to know what his response would be when you show up and there’s plenty of other women there. It sounds like a serious conversation is in order.
Post # 11
umm thats a huge waste of money. If you feel like you need a PI then this is obviously over..
Post # 12
There’s no point in hiring a PI. You don’t trust him (and it sounds like he’s not trustworthy), so your relationship is pretty much doomed. You should just ask him about it and save yourself the money. I’d be gone either way.
Post # 13
Do you have any friend that isn’t a mutual one, or maybe a sister or cousin, that you could take with you to just show up at the bar?
Post # 14
If you can’t talk to him about it and trust his answer after 10 years then it doesn’t sound like a relationship worth being in. If you really feel the need to do it, call a friend and ask her to go spy on him, you going isn’t going to get you much info on his activities. I urge you to go to counseling to increase your self worth so you can realize that in a string healthy relationship you can just talk to your partner and be able to trust them.
Post # 15
No. I know fisrt hand that PI’s will take your money, promise the world and never deliver. I agree with PP. If you can’t talk to him after 10 years, the relationship is over. Frankly, I would just tell him I know the truth and go from there. Go where? Out the door probably, but I would watch him struggle with his newfound reality first, that you are on to him. What a dick move on his part.