Post # 1
My sons father and I split up when he was just 6 months old ,since then we have tried in a couple of occasions to work things out but that never lasted ! its been 4 years since the last time we tried. We live in a small community and everyone knows him and me through school and friends. In the past he has always been sort of like “watching over me” he always knows when I date someone , his friends will tell him and he’ll always have something negative to say. I have found someone with whom I love to be with and we are engaged and getting married in about 3 weeks , I still havent found the way to tell him im getting married. Should I have to ? We do have a 6 year old and I kind of feel like it is his business since our son will be spending alot more time with me and my fiance . He has a bad temper and Im scared of his reaction. HELP …..
Post # 3
You are getting married in 3 weeks? How long have you been engaged? Depending on these answers I have different suggestions.
If its just a shot gun marriage and you just got engaged, I would call him up and invite him to coffee shop (public place). It sounds like you have a good relationship and you want to respect that. I would jsut outright tell him and remind him that he is your sons father and you will do everything to support him in that role, but that your new soon-to-be husband also loves your son and will treat him well.
If you have been engaged for a long while, then he already knows and you need to apologize for not telling him soon.
He deserves to know from you since he is the father of your child and this man will be in your childs life. Wouldnt you want to know from him as soon as possible if he were to remarry and your son would be spending time with that new women?
And then I would suggest all going to dinner or the park or zoo or something so they can get to know each other. Like it or not, those two men will have to interact and it will be in the best interest of your son that they respect each other.
Post # 4
You definitely have to! Never arm him with something to use against you in a potential custody battle (seems dramatic, but I’ve seen it!) Should you maybe do it over the phone?
Post # 5
@lefeymw: agreed! 100%
I told DS’s dad as soon as I was seriously dating Darling Husband.. I just felt like he deserved to know and it wasn’t appropriate for him to find out from DS.
Post # 6
Wow, this exactly the situation I am in. My ex and i split when my son was 4 mo old (he is now 5). I have not told my ex I am dating anyone and especially not that I’m getting MARRIED!
Best of luck to you, update us how it goes k?
Post # 7
My son told his dad before I got the chance so when I told him one day when he was picking my son up he said he already knew. (My son is almost 7 and his dad and i split when I was 3 months pregnant but we tried to make it work off and on until my son was 2.) I definitely think you have to tell him. I hope it goes well.
Post # 8
Okay so Yesterday was My son Isaiahs bday party and I knew i had to tell him before the party since they would both be there! I told him a couple days before and he just got mad he said that he didnt want no man around his son playing daddy , anyways they were both at my sons party and I’m glad his dad didnt make a scene …. WHoooooo, now I hope he’ll just get over it
Post # 9
@PurpleQueenz: That seems very immature. So what, are you supposed to remain a nun forever? No men in your life? Ridiculous. I would make sure that you have a firm custody agreement in place so he doesn’t try to do anything sneaky.
Post # 10
I’m in the same boat. TBH, I really don’t think it is much of my ex’s business. He has his life, I have mine. My son adores my SO. He also adores my ex’s SO. I have no obligation to inform him of my personal life and I dont expect him to do the same to me. Maybe its just me, but if it doesn’t directly pertain to my son, theres no need for him to know.
Post # 11
@PurpleQueenz: at least you have told him now, he can either deal with or ignore, but don’t let him dictate anything between you and Fiance and your son 🙂
Post # 12
@PurpleQueenz: wow, he sounds like a real jerk. well, hopefully it will all blow over.
you mentioned he has a bad temper. I don’t want to scare you– but do you think he would try to do anything bad at your wedding? is there a way you can get some guys to keep a lookout, just in case?
Post # 13
thanks everyone ,
@janie-janie : He doesnt know when im getting married (date) or where so I know he won’t show up and cause a scene
Its next Friday !!!!!
Post # 14
@PurpleQueenz: that’s good. have fun on your wedding day, and congrats!
Post # 15
I am curious as to how things have progressed for you since you got married and how things are between you and the dads?