Post # 1
I can’t decide who to include in my wedding party. I have already asked my best friend to be my maid of honor which was a no-brainer. I have two sisters of my own that I’m very close to and I also have two close college friends that I wanted to include. Here’s the problem…my FH also has two sisters. They are both quite a bit younger than me (5 and 8 years) but the older sister is very close with her brother (my fiancé). When she found out that she might not be a bridesmaid she got really upset and felt left out. I really like both of his sisters and we get along great and have fun together, but I’m not as close to them as I am with my friends. Neither of us have any brothers so my FH is planning on having 5 of his best guy friends be his groomsmen. If I end up having all 4 of our sisters stand up, I know I will feel bad because he has all his friends there and I don’t. It just so happens that all of our siblings are girls so they end up on my side. We don’t like the idea of having a mix of guys and girls on either side or having more girls than guys, so that’s not really an option. I’m not trying to be selfish or exclude anyone, but I just really don’t know what to do. Would it be okay to have his two sisters contribute to the wedding in other ways? Maybe as usherettes? Any advice?
Post # 3
Could include them as candle lighters, Jr. Bridesmaids (I think best idea), Flower girls (flower girls don’t have to be really young)
Post # 4
Personally, and it’s just my opinion, I feel like it’s more important to have family in the bridal party than friends. I had my SIL in the bridal party because I know how big of a role she has played in my husband’s life, and if there is anyone closer to him than I am, it would be her. He also had my brothers in the party because my brother closest in age to me is also very close to me. But definitely work it out some how that they can be a part of it, even if they aren’t in the party. Give them jobs as ushers or something, or have them do a reading even. Good luck!
Post # 5
How about doing a reading? Also, maybe give them a corsage or someother VIP designation on the day-off?
Post # 6
I think it would be a really nice gesture if you included his sisters. Is it not possible to have all the sisters and your 2 friends? Or would your FI not be able to have 6 guys on his side? There’s always the option of an uneven bridal party, but not sure if you would be interested in that.
Post # 7
That’s really tough. You don’t mention how old the girls are – would it be possible for one or both to be a junior bridesmaid?
If no, I think it’s probably worth it to include her, either in place of or addition to, one of your friends. The confusion, hurt and friction generated by leaving her out will likely be substantial, and affect your relationship with your inlaws long after the wedding is over.
Post # 8
Also, I kind of agree with Joeswifey. You may very well always be friends with your closest friends, but FSIL will ABSOLUTELY ALWAYS be a part of your family and represents a part of your FI. Maybe switch out and have the friends do readings?
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
You COULD put them on his side. 🙂 My brothers are both “bridesmen.” 😉 They’ll be wearing the same thing as the groomsmen, but they’ll stand on my side because they’re there to support me, not him! Well, okay, *us.* 🙂 I don’t think I’ll invite them to my bachelorette, though. 😉
Post # 10
You’re nto going to like this but I really think having your future SIL in the bridal party is a must. It’s a great gesture for you to extend to them and to say, “we’re family now and you’re important to me”. this will also be a great opportunity to bond.
My FI has a sister and a brother. When the brother was getting married, his fiance didn’t ask their sister to be in the bridal party. It’s about 5 years later and SIL still holds a grudge and feels left out. She occassionally brings it up and says that if her brother cared about her than she would have been in the wedding. Bottom line, you dont’ want to be starting your life together with any sort or hostilities on either side of the family. Remember, just because they are standing next to you doesn’t mean they are up there just for you. They are there for the both of you.
Post # 11
I went back and forth with this as well. FI’s sister is 4 years younger and to be honest there is some family dinamic issues that concerned me. In the end I asked her because she is going to be family for the rest of our lives. I opted to avoid any family issues that might have occured by not asking her.
How does the rest of your FI family feel about them not being in the wedding? Are they expecting you to ask them?
Post # 12
It would be perfectly fine to have your fiance’s sisters involved in other ways. I would just make sure to have them feel included. If you have a night where all the girls are helping with invites or whatever, invite them to come along. Have them get ready with the bridesmaids, provided there is room. Just a few suggestions, you don’t have to use any of them.
Post # 13
The girls are 16 and 19. My first reaction to her disappointment was to immediately include both of his sisters in the bridal party. But then I started to think about what that would mean for me, and then I was disappointed because I felt like I would really like to have my close friends there with me. My FMIL suggested that they sing and play a song at the ceremony or be ushers, so I don’t think she would be upset if her daughters weren’t bridesmaids. I just want them to feel included in the best way possible…and that I will be happy too 🙂
Post # 14
1) Have them do something else wedding related as the others have suggested (readings, lighting candles, etc)
2) Include them as bridesmaids and be cool with having an uneven bridal party
3) Have them stand on your husband’s side
4) Not have them at all and deal with potential drama.
I don’t think you should exclude your friends in order to have FSILs though. You will probably end up regretting that one!
Post # 15
As another option, have your two college friends take on reader, greeter, etc. roles.
In my now MOH’s wedding, I served as the reader. She couldn’t use me as a BM for similar reasons. The thing about friends is that you can be more frank with them and they will (should) be the most accomodating. Just tell them, hey, I have four sisters, but I want you to be a part of this important day.
For all practical purposes, your friends will be the most like BMs because they will party with you and listen to you complain and give you lingerie, etc. Just get them really nice corsages.
Post # 16
Because he has two sisters, not one, you could play the “numbers” card. And I agree, give them another role in the ceremony (not just a “job” but an actual role…reading?)
I had this dilemma for months and eventually ended up adding in my FSIL. But, my FI only has one sister, so it only upped our number of attendants by one, not two.
You do NOT have to exclude your friends for his family members with whom you aren’t terribly close. It’s really your choice. We can tell you what will keep the most peace—including his sisters—but when it comes down to it, it’s most important that you are happy. Whatever decision you make will be the right one, as long as you are careful, thoughtful and considerate.