Post # 1
When I met my Husband we became really good friends. He told me many secrets at that point like very good friends tell each other. He told me that he had a Daughter but signed papers over to let his Baby Momma’s new man adopt her. I asked why and he said that he was not in a place in his life to be a Father, he was very young, he had nothing and could provide nothing, He was going into the Military and then deported. While I still have questions about that, I let it go as it was his decision not mine. He said it was the Mother’s decision at first and she gave him the papers. He said he regrets it every day of his life and should have fought for his rights as a Father but he did not. I was not there at the time so I can’t really give my opinion unless asked because you just never know what’s going on a person’s life.
Anyway, his Mother bumped into the baby momma. For like 5 minutes. She said she was very polite and that all was fine. Very vague obviously. They have no rights at all. DH’s parents tried when the baby was small but once the papers were signed for DH to sign her off for her to be adopted the Baby momma shipped back all the gifts and attention that the grandparents tried to give.
I just want to point out that I have a 5yo daughter from a previous marriage. DH treats her as his own and we took it very slow when it came to that.
Ok so DH texts me today a pic of his daughter. He said he was scared to find this on facebook but he did and texted it to me. He said he can just throw up because he found her on FB. He said he couldn’t just confuse her life right now and if she wanted to know him she would have to come to him. I believe he truly is waiting for her to show up at our doorstep. They do not live far from us.
<br />Do you think as his wife and as a person who knows that DH would love to be in his life, I can contact the Mother? See if she and I can meet and talk to see if some type of relationship can be there for DH and his daughter? Or am I stepping on toes?
ETA: Dh never took a paternity test. She looks identical to him.
This topic was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by hegetsme.
Post # 2
Oh girl- whatever good intentions you have, you better stay out of this!
Post # 3
Very simple. No, you should not intervene.
Post # 4
Do not contact the mother. I understand you want to help your husband out, but that girl isn’t his daughter, not legally anyway. She has a father, and it isn’t your DH. It is completely up to her parents to decide if your husband and his family should have any contact with her.
Post # 5
I agree–stay out of it. He needs to be the one to make these calls, and him alone. Be supportive, but don’t take things into your own hands.
Post # 6
If he wants to be in her life, let him contact the mother. Your intentions are good, but it is not your place.
Post # 7
hegetsme: Personally I’d stay out of it. This is coming from a person in the position of his daughter. My mother got pregnant at 17, gave birth to me, then a few years later found herself pregnant again, married that baby’s father and he adopted me (with my birth father signing over all rights). Honestly, I do wonder about him but I don’t hold anything against his decision like I might have when I was younger. I know they were kids and didn’t have the mental capacity/finances to make those decisions properly in such a crazy situation.
I think about looking him up occasionally, but even at 27 I doubt I am ready for that emotional roller coaster (not to mention my mother, her parents, and my step-dad who raised me). I would just ask your husband to send a short but sweet letter to her mother with his new contact information, and letting her know that he understands he is not her father, but if they need to get in touch with him or if she has any questions in the future to contact him. Leave it open ended and don’t make them feel pressured to contact him.
Another option- depending on your state- is the adoption registry. They have one where I was born in GA. The parent of the child adopted out can register their info with the agency, then if the adult child ever goes looking for the parent, the agency can direct them to the right contact info, will facilitate anonymous letters if need be, and even set up meetings. Really, this is up to his daughter when she is old enough to understand & make those decisions- not him or her mother…
Post # 8
Nope. Stay far away. You only know one side of the story.
Your intentions are right, but I wouldn’t get involved.
Post # 9
Thank you ladies. I am staying far away from this one.
Post # 10
Be supportive of your husband and listen if he needs a shoulder to cry on but absolutely do not contact her and stay out of it!!!