Should I intervene?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
6668 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh girl- whatever good intentions you have, you better stay out of this!

Post # 3
80 posts
Worker bee

Very simple.  No, you should not intervene.  

Post # 4
588 posts
Busy bee

Do not contact the mother. I understand you want to help your husband out, but that girl isn’t his daughter, not legally anyway. She has a father, and it isn’t your DH. It is completely up to her parents to decide if your husband and his family should have any contact with her. 

Post # 5
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree–stay out of it. He needs to be the one to make these calls, and him alone. Be supportive, but don’t take things into your own hands.

Post # 6
8678 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If he wants to be in her life, let him contact the mother. Your intentions are good, but it is not your place.

Post # 7
2385 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

hegetsme:  Personally I’d stay out of it. This is coming from a person in the position of his daughter. My mother got pregnant at 17, gave birth to me, then a few years later found herself pregnant again, married that baby’s father and he adopted me (with my birth father signing over all rights). Honestly, I do wonder about him but I don’t hold anything against his decision like I might have when I was younger. I know they were kids and didn’t have the mental capacity/finances to make those decisions properly in such a crazy situation. 

I think about looking him up occasionally, but even at 27 I doubt I am ready for that emotional roller coaster (not to mention my mother, her parents, and my step-dad who raised me). I would just ask your husband to send a short but sweet letter to her mother with his new contact information, and letting her know that he understands he is not her father, but if they need to get in touch with him or if she has any questions in the future to contact him. Leave it open ended and don’t make them feel pressured to contact him.  

Another option- depending on your state- is the adoption registry. They have one where I was born in GA. The parent of the child adopted out can register their info with the agency, then if the adult child ever goes looking for the parent, the agency can direct them to the right contact info, will facilitate anonymous letters if need be, and even set up meetings. Really, this is up to his daughter when she is old enough to understand & make those decisions- not him or her mother… 

Post # 8
4638 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Nope. Stay far away. You only know one side of the story.

Your intentions are right, but I wouldn’t get involved.

Post # 10
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Be supportive of your husband and listen if he needs a shoulder to cry on but absolutely do not contact her and stay out of it!!!

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