Post # 1
I need some opinions…
In college I had a small(ish) group of friends, only a few of which I am still in touch with. I contacted those few early in our engagement to get addresses for invitations and STD’s. Save the dates were mailed out in October. I had my shower at the beginning of this month, and gave my mom my address list for inviting friends and family.
After the invites had been mailed out, I got a FB message from one girl from college who I have NOT been in touch with since graduation and she said ‘Hey! Hill told me you were trying to get a hold of me.’
Ummm… no… I wasn’t. Hill being our mutual friend Hillary, who I have been in touch with and have seen since graduation.
Then I get a text message saying the same thing.
I texted her back and said that I was not in fact trying to reach her. And then I said that my mom was throwing me a shower and that she ‘could come if she wanted to’.
I didn’t actually really want her to come but felt bad that she knew other girls/friends from college were invited and she wasn’t.
Anyways, long story short… she came with all the other college girls I invited…. and SHE DID NOT BRING A GIFT… OR EVEN A CARD.
I’m not trying to be selfish or stuck up or what not here… but she basically invited herself or fished for an invite and then didn’t even bring a card?
I am getting ready to send out our wedding invites now.. and I’m not sure I am going to send her an invite. I have not kept in touch with her.. and I’m not prepared to shell out money for her to attend out wedding if she’s not even going to give a gift or a stinkin’ card.
Post # 3
Sooo…I would get if you doubted inviting her because yu haven’t kept in touch but you don’t want to invite her because she might not get you a gift? That’s pretty shallow. Sorry.
Post # 4
@PinkPinstripes: Of course I would have someone say that I’m shallow. A card would have been nice. A CARD.
Post # 5
If you don’t want to invite her then I wouldn’t. If it’s not important she be there, or going to make your day any better there’s really no point other than avoiding her hurt feelings. If you’re not close then her feelings shouldn’t be that hurt by it.
Post # 6
I don’t think you’re being shallow. I think she was VERY rude. If you are not close to her why would you invite her? You have no obligation to invite her at all! And the thing is, Showers are just that… they are intended as gifts to “shower the bride” with presents. Thats the whole point! So expecting a gift after she forced an invite is NOT SHALLOW.
Post # 7
Hmmm.. she may not have brought a gift to the shower because it’s rude to invite people to a shower that aren’t invited to the wedding. So, if she also felt awkward when you spoke to her and told her she could “come if she wanted to”… which is a really weird way of being invited somewhere, she might have felt like she didn’t really “owe” you a shower gift.
I dunno, if you want to continue to be friends with her, I guess I’d invite her. If you don’t care, then don’t.
ETA: have you asked Hillary if she actually mentioned anything like “Bride is trying to track down all us girls from college”? Her contacting you may have been completely innocent, not just fishing for a wedding invite, and then you both ended up in kind of an awkward position.
Post # 8
@mrshollinger: did you send her an invite to the shower?
It was awkward that she fished for an invite, awkward that you sorta invited her, more awkward that she came. Does she know showers traditionally mean gifts? She’s obviously clueless, she might have thought it was a girls get together.
Technically, anyone invited to the shower should be invited to the wedding but if you dont want to invite her, then don’t.
Post # 9
I dont think asking if you were trying to contact her was away of fishing for an invite. I dont think you should base inviting her or not off of if she brought a gift to your shower.
I would be rather offended if someone invited me to their shower (a gift giving event) and then didnt invite me to their wedding. But at the same time I wouldnt invite her to the wedding since you arent really close with her, and probably wont see much of her.
Post # 10
@mrshollinger: Don’t invite her. And here’s a lesson that you will learn: DO NOT FOLD WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO BOGARD THEIR WAY ONTO YOUR GUESTLIST. EVER! I think you guys are even… you sorta invited her to your shower and she didn’t get you anything so don’t invite her to your wedding.
Post # 11
@mrshollinger: I wouldn’t invite her. As I have been creating my preliminary guest list I have only chosen to invite friends that I regularly keep in contact with or have a strong history with. Any casual friends from my college “group” I have chosen not to invite because i haven’t talked to them or seen them in a LONG time (I just graduated undergrad last year and grad school last month haha).
Unfortunately, some bees are going to flame you on here for saying, “and I’m not prepared to shell out money for her to attend out wedding if she’s not even going to give a gift or a stinkin’ card.” I totally understand this reasoning and I’m glad you sad it because if I were you I would be thinking the same thing. At least a CARD, I mean come on – a sentiment is all that is really needed. I’m sorry for any bees that choose to flame you for this comment, but anyone who reads the entire post can see that the issue is clearly deeper than being “shallow” or gift grabby. People need to read into the entire text and not focus on one thing that appears negative. I feel you said this because it added to the list of reasons why not to invite her – almost as if you are trying to convince yourself against inviting her since you feel conflicted and a bit guilted into inviting her.
I read your whole post and by the sounds of it you have answered your own question – you never wanted to invite her to the shower in the first place (or the wedding), but felt guilted into it. Don’t feel guilted into inviting her to the wedding – DON’T INVITE HER!
I don’t think you are shallow or gift grabby or etc. for not wanting to invite her – don’t let anyone tell you that purely because of one comment out of your whole post.
Post # 12
@TorontoBride2be: trust me, she was fishing. i had a cousin do that to me. “hey cuz, you probably need my mailing address so here you go” no that’s not how you do things. i didn’t invite her.
Post # 13
@SweetartMD: Exactlly my thoughts.
Post # 14
@TaurianDoll: haha. The nerve of some people and how they try to get invited to things – so awkward!
Post # 16
Don’t invite her. Did you ever find out if Hillary said anything to her about your trying to contact her?