Post # 1
okay i’m going to try and keep this as short as possible! sorry in advance!
the first semester of my program in college i met this friend, i will call her jane. we hit it off great, we were instantly best friends and did literally everything together. the next semester we moved in together and everything was great. we took vacations together, we shopped together, we were gym-buddies, we had all the same classes so we studied together, we double-dated, ect. her boyfriend and her had been together for a few years and were starting to talk marriage, and she always told me how excited she was for me to be in the wedding.
fast forward a year and a half. the first thing i noticed was my dishes. i found a couple broken glasses in her room and broken plates and bowls in the garbage can. not sure how she broke so many things because i have never broke a dish in my life, but my main issue was she never told me about any of it. then i started noticing clothes missing. i thought i just misplaced the items or they fell behind the dryer or something, but i am an extremely neat and organized person and was pretty sure this wasn’t the case. i was talking to my mom about it one day, and she told me to go look in jane’s room. i found six pairs of socks, two sweaters, and two tank tops that were mine. i also found a couple books of mine that i didn’t realize i was missing until i saw them on her shelf! she never asked me to borrow any of these items. i also noticed food missing. i am not a confrontational person, so i just tried to deal with it. in the meantime, she ends up getting engaged. i was invited to the engagement party, where they announced the bridal party (i was not asked). we were close to graduation and i was planning on moving out already, so i just let everything go. we studied for our boards together, celebrated when we passed them, and then i moved out.
we have only spoke a handful of times since then. after graduation i got a job out-of-state, and we spoke on the phone when i first moved there. she invited me to her bridal shower, which honestly i feel like was just to get a gift. she knew i lived out of state (six hour drive) and the shower was an additional two hours away from where my parents live, and we hadn’t spoken in a very long time. i went to her wedding though, and it was pretty awkward and i ended up leaving early. i never got a thank-you card for their wedding gift (it has been six months). a couple months after their wedding, i got engaged. she never congratulated me or anything, in fact, i haven’t spoken to her at all since her wedding.
so, should i invite jane to my wedding? i feel like i should since we were very good friends and roommates at one time and i went to her wedding. but at the same time i feel like i am not going to keep in touch with her afterwards since we barely talk now. what do you guys think?
Post # 3
At this point, I wouldn’t bother to invite her. If you haven’t heard from her in six months and the last time you saw her it was awkward, I wouldn’t invite her. I wouldn’t want people at my wedding who would make me feel awkward on one of the most important days of my life.
Post # 4
No. Only invite people you truly love and you want there to spend your day celebrating your love. Never invite someone out of obligation.
Post # 5
I had a somewhat similar situation with a previous roommate. We lived together for a year, she was always late in paying me for all the bills, was a complete slob, etc. We haven’t kept in touch and I’m not planning on inviting her. If she asks I’m just going to tell her that we are keeping our guests to family and really close friends. I would suggest doing the same, especially since this girl has been so rude to you.
Post # 6
The best advice I’ve gotten so far about which friends belong on the guest list is this:
If someone hasn’t been an important part of your lives together as a couple, then they don’t really need to have a place at your wedding.
It doesn’t sound like Jane fits this, so I wouldn’t be inviting her.
Post # 7
@Tangled: I agree with this.
If it felt awkward at her wedding, it was probably b/c you knew the friendship was over. I think it’s time to move on.
Post # 8
There is not a snowball’s chance in Hell that this person would be getting invited to my wedding if I were you. Yes, you were close once, but look at how she treated you even when you were so close! She disrespected you and your property. Even now, she still does not have the courtesy to thank you for your wedding present! You honestly are better off without someone like this in your life and you yourself said that you don’t expect to keep in touch with her after the wedding, so why have her at your wedding if she isn’t part of your life anymore? Another question you need to ask yourself is how would you feel if you invited her and she actually showed up? Would you be happy to see her or would you feel uncomfortable the same way you did at her wedding? A good piece of advice I received when planning my wedding was “never invite anyone you don’t honestly want to see at your wedding.” I put that advice to good use when my father was pressuring me to invite an ex-friend to my wedding. Long story short, even though I had been friends with that girl since high school (and she was originally going to be my maid of honor), I didn’t invite her because I knew I didn’t want to see her at my wedding and didn’t want to speak to her ever again period. I’ve never regretted the choice! I just don’t need someone in my life (especially the big moments) who treats me as badly as she used to.
Post # 9
thanks for everyone’s responses! i had pretty much made up my mind not to invite her and left it alone. well, she ended up calling me yesterday. she said how much she missed me and asked how wedding planning was and stuff. she was really nice and said she would help me out if i needed anything. for all the bee’s who said they wouldn’t bother inviting her, would you feel guilty not inviting her now?
Post # 10
@mrs_brownie: Do you want her as a friend? Really truly care if she’s in your life at all? I would use this as the opportunity to finally dump her, frankly, don’t invite her, she’ll hate you for it and not speak with you again and then you don’t have to put up with her bullshit anymore.
I am an invite nazi though. Strictly only people I am CURRENT friends with (not once upon a time) and that I love and WANT there. I feel that people should know when they’re actually friends with somebody and not be hurt if they don’t get an invite. I would never expect an invite from somebody I’ve hardly spoken to in years. Why should they expect the same.