Post # 1
I have a friend I went to school with who we shall call F. F and I went all through highschool together and remained friends but in the past 3 years have had very little contact. F is someone who often pops up on facebook and tell me how much she missed me and that we really need to catch up and how she really wants to meet my FH(we have been together for 3 years and he hasn’t met her). This has not happened, she has never met my FH because everytime she says she wants to, F expects me to organise it, I have organised EVERYTIME we have ever caught up. I also am not a huge fan of her FI and a few other things in her lifestyle have caused conflict between us in the past.
So here is the issue- a little thing in our lives called Our Surprise Wedding. When we offically get engaged later in the year, she will expect an invite to the engagement party which will turn into our wedding. I don’t want to invite her but I know it would kill her if she wasn’t invited and it would end our ‘friendship’. This wouldn’t worry me because I don’t really consider her a friend anymore but I am concerned that it would upset her. My other thought was to pop her on a reserve list, i.e someone cancels and we invite her and claim ‘we forgot her in the rush’ but this brings up a whole other etiquette issue that I personally don’t find offensive but I know others would.
So girls what advice can you give me? Do I invite her and save her feelings or not and end the friendship or have her as a reserve?
Post # 3
I think that because she has never even met your FI and she’s not particularly close to you anymore there’s no reason to invite her unless you would really be affected by not being friends with her anymore. If you are inviting a lot of mutual friends though, then I might consider adding her to the mix just to keep out the “drama” that might come if she weren’t invited.
Post # 4
Like you said, you guys aren’t really close anymore and she hasn’t met your FI. I don’t see a reason to invite anyone you’re having doubts about having there even to just spare feelings. Also, if you’re keeping it intimate, just say so.
Post # 5
If you feel she’s being a poor friend, you should talk to her about it. There must be some reason you’ve been friends for such a long time and you can probably recapture that with some good communication. Sometimes in the business of our lives, we fall out of touch, our lifestyles become different, we move, and we don’t maintain our relationships like we should.
Weddings can bring about a lot of nostalgia. While you are mad right now, you must care about her or you wouldn’t have written this (because you just wouldn’t care enough to). If you reconnect before the big day, or you reconnect later, you will feel terrible that she’s not there. Even if she continues to be a poor friend you may regret it and miss her because she’s been a part of your life and this is a day where the people from all moments of your life come together and celebrate. I say invite her.
Post # 6
I have a similar situation with one of my friends, except we were friends since Kindergarten, and after we went away to college we haven’t been as close. But, I’m inviting her to the wedding. After that, it’s no big deal if we never see each other again, but I didn’t want me not inviting her to be the reason the friendship ends. What will it hurt to invite her?
Post # 7
When you said, “…I don’t really consider her a friend anymore
Post # 8
This can be a really hard decision, one we faced as well working on our guest list. Because of moves and just life in general, I have a lot of friends with whom I was once close who have still not FI. People say ‘let’s get together’ but it never really works out. So when we did our guest list, I looked at these out of touch friends and viewed them in the context of whether I expected there to be a relationship in the future or not. If the answer was no, I didn’t invite them.
Facebook gives us all a false sense of keeping in touch. Think about it like this, if it weren’t for Facebook, would you have heard from her at all? If she isn’t taking the time to keep you in her life, aside from cyberspace, then I think you have your answer.
It is difficult to let go of a friendship which has meant so much in the past. I’ve been there myself recently. But it’s because we hold onto the emotions of the friendship when it was really good. You have to look at it as it is now. And the fact that you’ve said you don’t really consider her a friend now, says quite a lot.