Weddingbee boards

Hi Bees,

First a little background on my family. I am one of five children. I am the second youngest, and there are 4 girls and one boy in my immediate family. I only have one brother. Anyway, two years ago my family (who was super close) hit a road bump because my brother lied to us. He was married to his high school sweetheart, who has been a part of my life since I was 8 years old, and they had a son. LONG story short, my brother ended up having an affair (with someone he met online) who lived clear across the country (3,000 miles) who was also married and a mother of three. After my SIL had a miscarriage and was clearly not emotionally okay, my brother somehow convinced her to move to the state where his online gf lived. They lied to my family and told us they were moving because SIL was transferred for her job. Needless to say, my family slowly but surely figured it out. They told us on Thanksgiving that they were moving, and left on New Years Day. Just up and left. Didn't have time to sell their house, my brother just up and left his job. It was a very strange, confusing and embarassing time for my family.

Flash forward to today, two years later. They all still live out there. My brother and his wife are in the midst of a divorce (even though they somehow managed to have another child after moving out there, which my brother denied for a while-but she is his.) My brother has been with his girlfriend, living in the house that her (soon to be ex) husband pays for. The soon to be ex husband and my SIL are now in a relationship. And all four adults are acting like immature little spiteful brats to eachother. Basically, they did a spouse swap. There are five children involved between them too. Things are becoming nasty and even led to my SIL being arressted because of my brothers new gf (who we call Satan). She is a psycho. I'm basically at my wits end with all of them and their drama. I miss my niece and nephew and want to continue to have a relationship with them, but it is getting really hard. My whole family is disappointed with my brother's actions over the past two years, and it gets even worse because his gf has such an influence over him. The way he treats us now (lashes out at us because we are still on good terms with his future ex, the mother of our niece and nephew, because we wont accept his gf, etc) In his mind, he is always right, and his gf has the same mindset. The way they justify their actions is beyond me and the rest of the family. They come off looking like they are 6 years old and having temper tantrums.

I know you might be thinking "don't judge a book by it's cover" and I usually dont. However, last year I actually took my younger sister and my FI across the country to see them. I wanted to meet my new niece, who was born in November of last year. Needless to say, I was not impressed with my brother's gf. She was very sneaky, snarky, and downright obnoxious. She would say the most insane things (such as trying to convince my sister (18 at the time) that my brother was not the father of his daughter, but instead, it was HER husband.) Not true, and a paternity test later confirmed she WAS my brother's child.

Anywho, this past July, I couldn't handle it anymore. My brother's gf crossed the line, as did my brother, when they had my SIL aressted for domestic abuse (she supposidely pushed my brother because he was blocking her from getting to my nephew, a custody issue). I was so upset with them that I blocked them all from my fb, email, and phone. At this time I was newly engaged and planning my wedding, I didn't deserve to deal with this anymore while I'm trying to plan the happiest time of my life with a man who loves me.

Flash forward to now. I have slowly allowed him to come back into my life via fb and email. I still haven't 'spoken' to him on the phone or anything. I'm not ready. Anyway. I can't picture my wedding without my brother there, it won't be complete, but I am so nervous. I don't even know if he will come anyway (he doesn't have a lot of money and chose to move 3,000 miles away so he would have to fly in for it). I also wanted my nephew to be the ring bearer at my wedding, but idk what to do. I'm worried my brother will flip out if I don't invite his gf (which I absolutely will NOT do. I don't like her and my entire family does not respect her in the slightest.) And also, I don't want drama at my wedding, and drama follows my brother around. It will be the first time he's been 'home' since this whole ordeal. My FI says it's up to me. I'm thinking that I will send him a save the date card (addressed to him and HIS kids ONLY) and see what happens, but I'm very conflicted....

I know this is a lonnnnnnnnnng post, and honestly, it's missing a lot of information because this is a two year ordeal filled with lies and anger. It's just really bothering me and I don't know what to do. My wedding is this coming June. Any advice is appreciated...

I agree, I hate when people jump to conclusion about people they've never met. So I decided to meet her...andd...I'm all set with her. She seems very vindictive and only after money. She's trying to take her soon to be ex husband to the cleaners with all his money in spousal/child support, and is trying to get my brother to do the same thing to my SIL (she is the breadwinner). Im convinced the whole 'getting my SIL aressted' was ploy to get custody of the children just so they could get more money out of my SIL in the divorce. It's disgusting really. Also, my family gets upset because when my brother will send us emails-we can tell that it is HER typing them to US. My brother, I love him and everything, but writing was never his strong suit. We can CLEARLY tell when he is writing to us, and when SHE is writing to us. It just makes us even more pissed off.

I'm also afraid that he will just show up with her, whether her name is on the invite or not. My oldest sister already told me that if the gf shows up to my wedding, my sister will grin and bear it and make my night spectacular. But as soon as the reception is over her husband will have to pick her up at the police station because she will lose it on my brother and his gf. (jokingly of course, but I know she enjoys thinking about it!)

@LuvMySailor:

Thank you for your insight. I also thought that she may try to do both of the things you mentioned. Show up, or have my brother tell me he's not going unless she's invited. Theres no way they would be able to fly the whole family out here. I'd be lucky if just my brother could afford to come by himself.  At this point, I'd love for my brother to come, but if not, I have no problem inviting my SIL to bring my niece and nephew to my wedding. She has the decency not to bring her bf with her. She's actually been back our way twice since moving out there to see us with the kids. NOT my brother (more because of finances). It's just so frustrating. Thanks for your kind words!