Should I invite my cousin if we had a fallout?

posted 1 month ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1972 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

You’re better off not inviting her. If she treated you and talked about you so poorly behind your back I honestly see no reason to invite her, especially if she holds a grudge and can’t act like a mature adult. 

Post # 3
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You could always invite her and if she thinks you’re rubbing her face in it, it’s not like your relationship could get worse–to be frank. 

I think if you don’t invite her, it’ll be a clear snub and there’d be no chance for reconciliation. From the way you’ve described her, however, I expect her to take any decision you make as a hostile affront. 

Post # 4
Member
10382 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Are her parents invited?  Not inviting her will definitely be the end of the relationship. Talk to her first and try to mend things. If she is still unwilling then don’t send one

Post # 5
Member
7726 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

lynnctobe :  She invited you to her wedding, so you should invite her to yours. Or at least, treat her the same as all other cousins: if you’re inviting other cousins, invite her.

Post # 6
Member
3882 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

If you were not marrying the man in question who was the reason behind your fallout would you be inviting her? Because honestly, don’t make it about Adam. I think you’re overthinking it assuming how she will take it. More than likely not inviting her would be worse.

If you don’t invite her I feel like it’s having the opposite effect and it would be like an even bigger issue even though there doesn’t need to be anymore. You’re both adults and have presumably moved on with your lives.

You can invite her and put the ball in her court. If she’s uncomfortable then she doesn’t come and at least you tried… End of story.

Post # 7
Member
446 posts
Helper bee

She might get offended if you invite her to your wedding, however I think that not inviting her would be a bigger offense and could permanently destroy that bridge. If you invite her, you’re telling her that she is welcome at the wedding and giving her the choice to come or not. An invitation is not a summons–she can always say no if she would feel uncomfortable.

If you’re inviting similar relatives (e.g. other cousins) to your bridal shower, you should consider inviting her to that as well.

Just make sure that you don’t get your hopes up and then become disappointed if she declines. The issues in your relationship with her seem to stem from and be reinforced by her, not you.

Post # 8
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I was in a very very similar situation as you. My cousin, let’s call her Jill, went on 1 date with my now FI 6 years ago because her brother is married to my FIs sister and the families we’re pushing it. They didn’t like each other and it didn’t work out. 4 years later me and him started talking and I found out he liked me a lot. Before I even pursued anything I asked her if she would be okay with me going out with my now FI, she told me of course. 

Didn’t tell anyone about my dates with him because our families are close and we were still feeling each other our, but his sister found out and told my aunt who told Jill. On our third date she texted me NASTY things about him and myself and said I was disrespectful and all of this stuff, caused a huge divide in our friend groups and everything. A lot of my family wouldn’t talk to me because of her and I repeatedly tried to make it right but was not apologizing because I didn’t do anything wrong,she told me to go out with him. 

I’m engaged now and me and my cousin have no relationship anymore. I’ve also tried to talk it out with her, but she insists we are fine, yet she won’t speak to me unless I talk to her first. our cousins sound somewhat similar and honestly to me they both sound like drama queens who think tings should revolve around themselves and their own feelings.

if you have tried to apologize multiple times when, to me it doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything wrong, at that point the ball is in your cousins court and it’s up to her what she wants to do with it. If you are inviting her whole family and your other cousins, I wouldn’t purposely disclude her, but it’s up to her to decide how she wants to take it. Depending on how she reacts you’ll know whether or not your relationship is worth fixing.

Post # 10
Member
1816 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I wouldn’t. I have 4 cousins, 2 of whom we did not invite to our wedding aftet years of drama and bullshit. Best decision I ever made was not inviting them

Post # 11
Member
977 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m a big proponent of NOT inviting someone with whom you’ve had a fallout.

My aunt was nothing but terrible to me growing up. She preferred my sister and made it very clear–for example, she’d always bring back things for my sister, but not for me. That’s not problematic as an adult, but extremely hurtful to a child. As I got to be an adult, it turned into verbal abuse and that’s when I cut her off. She still proceeded to gossip about me. 

So, when it was time for my own wedding, there was no doubt that she would not be invited. My parents protested, but it was the best thing for my mental health. I didn’t want anyone there who wasn’t happy for us–and she wasn’t happy. I’m sure she didn’t like being excluded, and being the only one in her family not there, but maybe she should have considered that before being a jerk.

So, if you think that you still have a chance at reconciling with your cousin, go for it. Otherwise, you may be better off without her there.

Post # 12
Member
483 posts
Helper bee

I was going to say invite her before I read that she invited you and your siblings the week before her wedding. So she wasn’t going to invite any of you until she had to make up numbers the week before? Ouch! Unless I have misunderstood this. 

 

Post # 13
Member
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

lynnctobe :  Your cousin sounds like she has a LOT of personal issues. But maybe she has grown up a little since then? If she invited you to her wedding, I would invite her to yours, if you are ready to bury the hatchet. Although this is just what I would do personally, I think you have every right to not invite her if that’s what you would prefer.

Post # 14
Member
4437 posts
Honey bee

lynnctobe :  

Well  you could wait till a week before your wedding and then invite her… did you accept ,  incidentally, when she did  that to you?

More seriously,  she sounds like she is still some petulant  cheerleader  for heavens sake! Personally I would not remain friends with a woman who  publically and for no good  reason called me a two faced slut or whatever the  horrible immature  epithet was, but it  sounds as if you still retain some slightly hero worshippy feeling for her..

I think you  want to invite her , but I fear you hope it will mend fences . I don’t  think it  will  but why not  invite her anyway but  do not be let down if she says   yes and doesn’t turn up or says  no. Or, worse, turns up and says/does  something  awful .

 

Post # 15
Member
7 posts
Newbee

I have a cousin that I haven’t talked to in years and won’t be inviting her.

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