Post # 1
I sent my biological dad a save the date for my wedding and I am inviting him to my wedding as well. I am a little bit scared of what will happen though. My mom and dad divorced when i was 4. My mom tells me that he was abusive to her and myself, and that he is a sociopath and a psycho. I have reasons to doubt my mom’s story, but even if all that happened, I do not remember it. My mom gained full custody of me, and I never heard from my Dad again, save a birthday card every year till I was 18 telling me he loved me and asking me to call. When I was 25, I finally wrote to him. I have visited him and he is married to a very nice woman, and by all my judgement, seems very normal and likable. However, my mom went completely ballistic when she routed through my emails (she has done this before, as I tend to leave myself signed in to my own computer at my own house…she was visiting me) and discovered I was talking to him. She told me again that he was abusive, an alcoholic, and a schizophrenic. I basically told her that even if all that was true at one point, I didn’t care and I wanted to have a relationship. Soo…I am a bit worried about how to break it to her that he is coming. I am paying for my own wedding, btw.
Post # 3
If you want to invite him, and you aer paying for it yourself then invite him. But I also want you to be aware that this possibly might make your mother mad and might decide to tell you that she will not attend unless you uninvite him, which is sad really. I have the same problem with my family. My parents divorced when I was 10 and my mom tells me it is because my dad was abusive and controling of her. Well my dad harbors hard feelings towards my mom for making him seem worse then he was. I don’t really know what happened between them, I mean I saw them argue and and my dad throw things and stuff which is scary, but I never saw him hit my mom or anything like that, but anyway they don’t like each other. My dad doesn’t even like to come to my newphew’s birhtday parties, because he knows my mom will be there, which is horrible. I think to myself all my life my parents tell me to stop acting like a child and grow up, but when it comes to situations like this they act like children themselves, and I just think “Practice what you preach.” but anyway they are both coming but I can just see it getting akward. I am just telling you to be careful, but I think that it isn’t up to your mother whether or not you want a relationship with your dad, that’s normal, but it is up to your mom whether she is still going to come if your dad comes. Which I’m sure if that happens she will regret that she missed your day over something so stupid, but I just want you to be aware like I said before. I would talk to her about it, but be ready for her to tell you something you might not want to hear. Good Luck.
Post # 4
Sounds like your mom might be just as much of a problem. If you have no first hand experience with him being bad I think you might want to give him a try.
Post # 5
Oh, the troubles brides have with parents.
I would have a private talk with her, tell her what I had done and give her time to get used to the idea.
I would make it clear that I wanted both my paremts at my wedding and that my expectation was that they would both behave like adults and conduct themselves civilly.
Then, please remember to think about how you can make this easier for her. SDeat her in the front pew, your father and his wofe in the second pew. Ditto with the reception seating. Make sure your mom has the position of honor.
Post # 6
It’s your big day and what you want!!! Just know it could cause drama. I feel your mom still has so much hate for him and she wants you to hate him also. Some woman have a hard time with letting their kids have relationships with ex’s. Maybe your father has grown up to be a better person. I truly believe everyone should get a 2nd chance!!! good luck!
Post # 7
Just wanted to let you all know about how this situation turned out for me:
I ended up not sending my dad an invite. I called him and explained to him that though I wanted him there, I wasn’t prepared for the drama that I was certain would unfold both with my Mom, and my Mom’s entire family (Who, even though they support me having a relationship with my Dad if I want it, think I should not talk about it as they hate seeing my Mom upset). My dad said he was sad about it, but that he understood. We have talked several times since, and I am attending his 60th birthday party in a few weeks (and def not telling my Mom about it!). I was sad that my dad was not at my wedding, but it was a hard decision that had to be made. Personally, I had enough drama that day without my Mom and family acting up over my dad (turns out you should let your bridesmaid practice tying your dress and bustle BEFORE the big day!). So although I am sad he wasn’t there, I think I made the best decesion, even if I do have a few feelings of regret about it. But that is life, choosing between two things that you don’t like, and making the best out of it. In the end, I am glad I can look back on my wedding with good memories, and that I don’t have any lingering drama overhsadowing it. My mom caused several other issues anyway…but in the end, the only person who’s actions I can control are my own…I do my best.