Post # 1
This is a follow-up on a post I made several months ago. We are sending invitations next weekend and I STILL don’t know what to do ladies 🙁 I am sorry to bring this up again but I am hoping to get some fresh opinions. My father and I have not talked for MONTHS! He and his wife refuse to talk to me or have anything to do with me. They refuse to let me talk to my brother still either. They are giving my brother a hard time just about going to get fitted for his tux tomorrow with the groomsmen, they may not let him go! I just don’t know if I should still send an invite or not. Truth be told, I do not want them there. Making their snide remarks and making me self conscious and miserable. But my mom told me I should be the bigger person and send the invite. If I get the RSVP back and it says yes, I will be upset. If it says no, I will be upset. If they dont send it back at all I will have to sit and wonder, are they going to show up? My fear is that if I do not invite them, they will show up to the wedding anyway. I just don’t know what to do ladies. Please help me 🙁
Post # 3
I would send them one, partially for the reason I mentioned in your other thread (i.e. being the bigger person and keeping the door open to reconciliation in the future), and partially because at least you’ll have a better chance of knowing whether they’ll come (assuming they send back the RSVP).
Also, I would personally worry that they’d be offended not to be invited and thus not let your brother participate.
Post # 4
I am sorry you are still having issues with them. I would still extend the olive branch and send them an invitation. If you don’t, you will just give them more fuel to add to the fire. By sending them an invitation you are being the better person and putting the ball in their court, as to whether or not they choose to attend. If they do end up coming to your wedding, there is nothing that says you have to spend time with them, and those that know you and know them will know that anything they do or say at your wedding is not a reflection on you; just on them.
Post # 5
@noritake22: thank you, your comments were really sweet 😉
Post # 7
I know it’s a tough situation 🙁
if you’re going to feel bad about it no matter what, why not take the high road?
Post # 8
I’m sorry you have to make such a tough decision. I think that if you don’t send one, you’ll always wonder and might come to regret it. Maybe you should have somebody delegated that you can count on to ask them to leave if they’re rude or get out of hand?
Post # 9
I have a group of family members that are “banned” from the family, I obviously didn’t want them at my wedding to ruin it, but I ended up sending them one to be the bigger person…they were the first to RSVP….and it was a huge checkmark under “Not Coming”! It hurt even though I didn’t want them there and even though I knew they wouldn’t come…but I’m proud of myself for being the bigger person in the situation. I know your situation is different because it’s your dad…but you have to ask yourself “Is it worth bringing another reason into the picture for them to be hateful by not sending them one?” I think as a mother even if me and my son/daughter weren’t on good terms I would be very hurt not being invited and that would cause more hostility. Maybe you taking the step of inviting them could eventually lead to good things between you and your dad… ??
Post # 10
I had a similar situation and didn’t invite my dad. I cried about it for weeks leading up to the wedding but in the end I’m glad I chose the way I did. During the day it was easy to forget he wasn’t there but would have been much harder to ignore his actions/words. Ultimately none of us can tell you how to handle it- you have to be comfortable with your decision regardless of what it is. Good Luck!
Post # 11
I would send it so that you don’t have any regrets later. If you don’t send it, you could further (and substantially) hurt the relationship, and you might not want that weight on your shoulders. Good luck with whatever decision you make 🙂