- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
So many of you kindly helped me out with this on this post. I wanted to give you an update, as it seems I have finally got a resolution on it.
Despite his behaviour, I ended up inviting him, and his wife and their adult son, simply because I felt I couldn’t go against my conscience – however, I was extremely (brutally?) honest in the invite about how I felt. My email went like this:
“Dad, Hope you’re well.
I’ve had a really hard time trying to work out what is the best thing to do regarding the wedding and you. I feel really torn – while I have always felt I should invite you, on further contemplation I also sadly agree with what you said in your email – your presence may indeed cause stress on a number of levels. I know you said this is far from your intentions (which I appreciate). Regardless, I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I will leave the decision up to you. No hard feelings if you still think it would be better if you don’t come – I appreciate why. Regardless of whether you come or not, I still hold some hope that perhaps one day we can come to some resolution on the issues of January.
He ignored the RSVP date. I heard nothing, and resolved myself that it was over. Three days post-RSVP date my brother sent him a text saying how crap it was that he had ignored an invitation to his own daughter’s wedding. Miraculously about 20 minutes after, I received an email, essentially stating that he would come to the ceremony, but wouldn’t come to the reception as he didn’t want to cause “problems for me with my mother”. This was infuriating as he always tries to externalise blame to her, and the issues with us have NOTHING to do with my mum.
I took a big deep breath, and wrote back:
In any event, if you want to come, you need to do so in the knowledge that the stress has absolutely nothing to do with mum – and everything to do with you, me, and the events of January. Externalising blame to a third party does not solve anything, nor does ignoring issues, nor does falsely pretending nothing is wrong.
I will be embarrassed if you turn up and leave half way through the day. To allay your concerns, I have spoken with mum about your RSVP just now. She has asked me to assure you that she welcomes your presence, and in fact she would like to offer you to sit next to her at the parents’ table. So there’s no problem at all there.”
And of course, he replied complaining that “no matter what I do it only entrenches your issues further” and that “I do not want to cause you any embarrassment, so I will stay away, and maybe talk to you again some time in the future” – so basically, if he couldn’t come on his terms, shame my mum unnceccessarily and embarrass me by racking off early, he wouldn’t come at all.
I. am. effing. done.
I wrote back:
“Whatever mate. It is embarrassing if the father of the bride ditches out of her wedding early – you all were invited to attend the wedding which includes a ceremony and reception, in good faith. We’ve all tried to consider you as much as possible – even to the point of considering seating arrangements to reflect some semblance of normality and maturity, and no one else seems to have a problem with it except for you. I’m not able to do any more than that for you unfortunately.”
I am relieved it is over, and hope to never hear from him again. Ain’t nobody got time fo dat!
Why he can’t just pick up the phone and call me is also beyond me as well. I also could pick up the phone I guess, but I am SICK of being the adult. I always have been and I am tired of it.
Anyway, thought you might like to read what happened! 😉
Thanks again for your supportive comments, I appreciated them more than you’ll ever know.