Should I invite my estranged father to my wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

Rise above it and invite them. He’s a guest in your life and should be invited. It IS the right thing to do.

That being said, and with all sympathy to you, please understand that in any marriage the partners must put themselves first and the children second. My mom entered her second marriage to the most wonderful guy in the world, She brought four kids with her, he brought two. You can imagine the bickering and the bids for attention to the respective parents of said kids. They refused to be divided by our outrageous behavior.

Imagine if you were acquiring a step child along with your fiance, or when you have kids of your own. Would you feel that it was acceptable for the childs interests and desires to be met before your own? You’d probably feel like you were booted out and usurped by a kid!

 

I’m sorry that your dad stepped out of your life. it sucks. My daughter’s dad stepped out of her life many years ago, has broken numerous promises, and he’s STILL going to walk her down the aisle! (insert insane rant here, but it’s NOT MY WEDDING). I wish that things were different for you, but you aren’t alone, if that’s any consolation.

 

Post # 6
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@ladidah2:  please do what you feel is right. It doesn’t have to be vindictive by not inviting them, if its the right choice for you then let it happen. Please don’t let ANYONE make you feel like you have to. You don’t, not in any way. HE choose to step out of your life and HE has no guilt or remorse for HIS actions that have hurt you. That man doesn’t deserve you in his life. No one that treats you like that deserves you. Please don’t invite him out of pure obligation. 

Post # 8
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Soontobe_MrsT:  I think talking to someone in real life sounds like a great idea for you. It’s going to be tough, no matter what you choose to do. Good luck xx 

Post # 9
Member
3598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Your father’s first obligation was to you as his child.  He failed you as a father when you were little.  He was supposed to make sure that you were ok, and he didn’t give a shit how you felt.  

I’m not saying that parents should always put their children before their relationships, but this is clearly a case where a parent threw their kid off to the side.  

Don’t invite him to your wedding, and don’t waste any more of your energy on him.  There’s obviously no skin off his nose because of the wedge he’s allowed to come between you two, so I don’t think you have any obligation to include him in your life.  

Post # 11
Member
3598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Soontobe_MrsT:  His response really sucks.  A good parent may regret their marriage, but will always be grateful for the kids they got out of it.

My mother was mentally ill.  She wasn’t yet at the time my parents married, and my dad once told me he wouldn’t have married her if he knew she was going to get sick.  Which, of course, meant I would have never been born.  It stung.

Post # 13
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Normally, I’m all for rising above it and doing the right thing, even if it’s uncomfortable. 

In this case, I think rising above it is putting yourself and your family who love you above your jerk of a father and not inviting them. Seriously, screw them. Be prepared to close that door if you don’t invite them, but would that matter? They sound awful!

You don’t want to be upset and stressed on your wedding day because some people you invite may upset you. Screw that.

Post # 14
Member
3598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Soontobe_MrsT:  Yes, I am.  I know my dad loves me, but he talks out his ass sometimes.  He’s made some huge mistakes as a parent, like going out every night to get drunk and leaving my sister and me to deal with our mother and take care of ourselves.  I feel that on some level, he did his best.  Even though I don’t believe it was good enough, I don’t think he hurt my sister and me intentionally.  He was trying to escape from his own feelings or something, and we kind of were forgotten about.

Post # 15
Member
1907 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

@Soontobe_MrsT:  There was no reason his new woman had to be there when 7-year old you visited him. He’s twisted his poor behaviour into an attack that you gave him an ultimatum which is rubbish. If he’d wanted to see you, he would have compromised. He clearly still isn’t sorry for his poor behaviour and I don’t see why the fact that he’s a sperm donor means he deserves an invitation to your wedding. Don’t invite him.

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