Post # 1
So, once again, I have a question on whether I should invite someone to my wedding who I have a particular relationship with…
Before my now fiance, I dated a guy for about 2 years and ended it because he became WAY too clingy and extremely possesive and controlling. Needless to say it didn’t end well and while we tried to stay friends, we ended our friendship through a fight over the fact that he would “never let me go” and haven’t spoken since.
However! His best friend Cory became one of my closest friends that I still speak to once in a while. (He is pursuing school in China so I dont get the chance to talk often .) He was extremely upset about my breakup with his friend at the time and although we never speak directly about it, I know he’s still disappointed about my decision to not stay friends with my ex (I mean, they’re practically brothers!). We were also part of a larger group of friends until a devastating event that caused us all sort of drifted apart. I’ve only remained friends with Cory since.
Therefore my decision lies in whether to invite Cory. My fiance and I have a “zero- ex” policy at our wedding, but I have a gut feeling if I try to invite Cory, he will want me to invite my ex as well, or won’t come at all. It’s always been that where there’s one, the other is close by. I think he will see it as unfair because I hurt his best friend and created a rift in the group. We all were seriously close when I was dating my ex, and I know he thinks its weird that only he and I talk now, like the dynamics of our original group is off-kilter… If that makes sense. I’m worried that by inviting him will only create an argument over why I seriously don’t want my ex there vs why he thinks my ex should come because its the right thing to do. I couldn’t deal with one more argument with a friend. It doesn’t help much that my parents loved my ex and Cory, and still ask about them…Sometimes I wish people would get over the fact that it’s not the past anymore and things have changed.
I havent spoken to my ex in 3 years. I dont know if he still cares about me, I havent bothered to ask. I don’t know if he’s over our breakup disaster and would be ok attending the wedding. It would be weird for me. Either way, I would very much like Cory to be there without hurting anyone’s feelings or looking like the bad guy (girl).
Opinions/ similar stories/ advice???
Post # 3
@hisluckygirl22: i would talk to cory and let him know that it would mean a lot to you if he could come to your wedding. he also needs to know and respect the fact that you or your fi do not want your ex there. he can decide from there.
i actually did remain friends with my ex’s bf and bf’s wife and they did come to my wedding.
Post # 4
If you haven’t spoken to your ex in three years, there’s no reason to invite him. But since you still consider Cory your friend, and you want him at your wedding, by all means invite him. I think three years is a very long time for someone to still feel weirded out by a friend’s breakup, so I doubt he’ll have the negative reaction you’re expecting.
Post # 5
Isn’t Cory capable of socialising without his best bud in tow? Invite Cory. If he declines, that’s his choice.
DH’s ex and I share a lot of the same friends, and some of those were at our wedding, including one who was the MOH at ex’s wedding.
Post # 6
I think you should invite Cory. However, I wouldn’t mention the ex unless he brings it up. And hopefully he’s rational enough to understand that having your ex at the wedding would be an awkward situation for all involved.
Post # 7
I think you should invite Cory. He may not even bring up your ex. If he does, just simply say that you and your FI have this “no ex” rule for your wedding and that you’re sticking to it. No need to argue. If he tries to turn it into an argument, just don’t get into it. Stay firm. Chances are though it won’t come to that and he’ll either decline or just come without mentioning your ex.
Post # 8
Invite Cory. He will either come or he won’t. Don’t let the rest bother you. There is no reason to invite the ex.
Post # 9
Cory doesn’t get to decide who you do or don’t include on your guest list. He *does* get to decide whether or not he wants to attend your wedding. You should invite him (Cory) because he’s your good friend, this is an important event in your life, and you would like him to come. He should accept or decline the invitation graciously according to whether or not he can make it, because he’s your good friend, this is an important event in your life, and you would like him to come.
If he gives you any static at all about not inviting the ex, all you need to say is that you weren’t able to invite everyone you know, and that you hope he will still be able to attend.
Post # 10
You don’t speak to your ex and you are friends with Cory. You should invite Cory without inviting your ex. It is Cory’s choice whether he comes or not. But if you and your FI have a no-ex rule then you must stick to it.
If you invite Cory and he doesn’t come because you aren’t inviting your ex then just let it be.
Post # 11
I’m with PPs. Invite Cory and be firm about nor inviting your ex. He comes or he doesn’t. But he gets no say whatsoever in whether or not you invite your ex. And I can’t image he would seriously think you would invite your ex if you haven’t spoken in 3 years!
Post # 12
Don’t invite your ex, and if Cory is one of your closest friends, he should realise how weird it would be to invite your ex, whom you haven’t spoken to in three years.
Post # 13
Why would Cory bring your ex? It’s not his wedding or his choice. If he decides to not come because your ex isn’t, he needs to grow up and isn’t a true friend.
Post # 14
I would invite Cory and not even mention your ex. He wouldn’t bring your ex as a date or anything, right!? I don’t see why it would matter if Cory wants you to invite your ex, it’s your wedding–not his. I’d just tell him you have a no-ex policy if he asks.
Post # 15
Thank you everyone. It’s not that I couldn’t decide for myself what to do, but I needed some outside opinions (mainly from people who aren’t involved). The answer is clear now, so again, thank you for your words of advice!
Post # 16
Invite the firend but not the ex, don’t give friend plus one. Make it his decision. Easy peasy.