Post # 1
Ok, so I have never ever been close to anyone in my extended family, other than my grandparents really. I have a few of my cousins on facebook, but haven’t talked to them in years really. Same with my aunts and uncles. And growing up, I only really saw them at family reunions or what not. So I don’t know if I want to shell out thousands of dollars to have them at my wedding, even if it’s the “right” thing to do. Well today I called my grandmother to tell her about how I just got engaged and she says “oh well I’m sure your aunts and uncles will be happy to be there too”. Argh! I don’t want to invite them when I don’t speak to them! But I don’t want to come off as a bitch either.
To make matters worse, my FI will be inviting his whole extended family basically, although we’re sure 50% of them won’t make it since they live in Canada and we’re getting married in the USA and on the opposite side of the country. But then again, he’s actually close to them and they don’t just speak to him every 5 years or so. So now I don’t know what to do. I know I can wait things out and say we’re still planning or what not to avoid this sticky situation, but sooner or later I’m going to have to either invite them out of obligation, or tell them they can’t come due to budget constraints and the fact that we don’t speak to each other.
What would you do though bees? Would you invite extended family to your wedding if you weren’t close to them at all just so there are no hurt feelings? Or would you just skip the invites and hope no one makes a big deal about it?
Post # 3
I’m not, only because I am not inviting people whose names I dont know only because my grandmother is trying to guilt trip me.
Post # 4
I’m in a similar situation, except I’ve had a falling out with family. I think it depends on your budget. If you can afford it I would invite them. While you may not be close they’re family and not inviting could cause problems. If you can’t afford it don’t and just simply explain that.
Post # 5
My family is HUGE. Out of 40something cousins, I only like 2 or 3 of them. My mom is making me invite them all. I definitely don’t want to, but she’s paying for it and I don’t want another fight. If I were paying for it, I would definitely cut down the list.
Post # 6
I am not on bad terms with my extended family but, like you, have no meaningful relationship with aunts, uncles, or cousins. I expressed this to my mom re: the guest list (FI and I are paying for the wedding). My parents decided that it was $2k of their own money to keep the peace and have the extended family there. Is this a palatable option for you?
Post # 7
@Tarheelgurl: So I don’t know if I want to shell out thousands of dollars to have them at my wedding, even if it’s the “right” thing to do.
I don’t think inviting them is right and not inviting them is wrong. What is right is what you feel OK spending money on! It’s not an etiquette rule to invite everyone you’re related to, that’s really up to the couple and their budget. So you’re not breaking any rules!
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I only invited one out of twelve cousins. Unfortunately, we’re all so spread out across the country, I’ve only seen that one in the past seven years. If a family reunion was that important to everyone, they would have planned one themselves, instead of using my wedding as an excuse for one. I don’t think you have to tell these cousins, etc. anything, since you don’t speak to them.