Post # 1
So here’s the story on my grandparents…
They have never really been a part of my life or my family’s life. I’ve seen them maybe 10 time in my life and I haven’t seen them since I was 16. The reason for this is when my grandfather married his wife (my mother’s step mom) he completely alienated his “old family” except for his son, my uncle for her. They have always also been “fake upper class”. By this I mean they have credit cards with no limits to keep up appearances. My mother and aunt are considered “low class” and therefore beneath them. They have never made an effort to be part of any of our lives in favor of my grandmother’s kids and their precious appearances. I really don’t want them at my wedding. I have no relationship with them and hate how they act towards my mother and aunt. Should I invite them anyway and hope that they continue the pattern of alienating themselves?
Post # 3
“I really don’t want them at my wedding.” Don’t invite anyone you don’t want there. You’re not obligated to invite people just because you’re related.
Post # 4
Good point :). I just hate drama. My mother and aunt understand why I don’t want to invite them but my uncle probably wouldn’t get it since they stayed in touch with him only (I think it’s a son thing). While my mom and aunt say it would be polite I would just rather not have them and their snide comments there.
Post # 5
In your situation I wouldn’t invite them! Not only are they not a part of your life, but on the rare occasions they have been, they have been mean and snobby. I certainly wouldn’t want to be putting on forced smiles on my wedding day, or worse- being angry or upset as they are being their usual selves and being mean to you, your mother or aunt or about your wedding in general. I vote no! It’s your big day, don’t let non-existent relatives ruin it, or even risk ruining it. Besides- they just don’t deserve it!
Post # 6
Should I send them an engagement announcement or something so they at least know or just forget it because then they might expect an invite?
Post # 7
I wouldn’t invite anyone that you don’t actually want to be there. I’m not inviting my aunt (by marriage) because she is a total crazy bitch who hates my parents. So she’s not coming. I don’t need drama on the best day of my life.
Post # 8
I think you answered your own question when you said you don’t want them there. Don’t feel obligated to invite anyone. I would maybe just send them an announcement after the wedding, to prevent any pre-wedding drama.
Post # 9
Thank you that’s a good idea. Telling them after is a much better option.
Post # 10
@Corilee13: I have a similar scenario, except after remarrying and building a “new family”, my mother kind of did the same thing with my sister and me. She doesn’t call, doesn’t email, doesn’t really want to know anything about our lives. It’s fine if WE go to HER, but she can’t be bothered with us.
The only difference is the shoe is on the other foot with the class issue. She and my stepfather live in a trailor, and dropped out of high school, whereas I am college educated, and FI and I just purchased our first home. Even before I met my FI, my mother has always referred to me as a “snob”. That has always hurt my feelings. I’ve been ambivalent on what to do to include her in the wedding festivities– from asking her to go dress shopping with me, to asking about decorations. But, it was to no avail. People will always default back to their behavior of preference, no matter what you do to build bridges.
I say if they did the alienating, there’s no need to hurt your own feelings or your mother’s and aunt’s by having your g-parents sent an invitation. Be happy with the family that chooses to be your family.
Post # 11
I’m not inviting either of my mom’s parents. She has decent relationships with them, but they have never had anything to do with my life and I didn’t feel the need to deal with drama and BS just because they’re related.
If you don’t want them there, don’t feel obligated to invite them. I woudln’t send them an announcement either.
Post # 12
I agree with PP if you dont want them there dont invite them and dont complicate it with too much thinking you want the day to be happy 🙂
Post # 13
I wouldn’t invite them or send an announcement after the fact. THEN they’ll just think you’re asking for a gift!