Post # 1
I can’t decided whether or not to invite one of my cousins and I feel like all my family members opinions are biased because they don’t want her there. Here is the background:
We are having 150 person wedding, we have room on the guest list, in the budget, etc. We are inviting all mine and fiance’s cousins except this cousin of mine. My uncle (her father) has 5 children with 2 women. The older girls from the first wife are 21 and 20 and the younger ones are all middle school age. I am sending an invite to uncle and 3 younger children and a separate invite to the oldest other girl. The cousin in question is the 20 year old.
She is kind of the “black sheep” of the family. She dropped out of highschool, had a baby when she was 19 and only comes to family events, etc. when it is convenient for her – or she wants free child care. She offended my parents awhile ago, so they don’t want her there. The worst is what she does to our grandmother. Grandma is the sweetest person, is always offering to watch the baby, pay for cousin’s living expenses to go back to school, etc. Cousin will take advantage of this for weeks, and then disappear for the next few weeks (with the baby) and not return anyone’s calls, texts, emails to jsut let us know she is okay.
I discussed this with fiance, parents and grandmother and they agreed I shouldn’t invite her. But I am afraid it will create tension with her sisters and uncle. They don’t know that I am not planning on inviting her. What should I do?
Post # 3
I think it is difficult to split a family unit. But you certainly don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want (as long as they aren’t part of a social unit).
I don’t think you should decide based on how other people feel about this cousin. Your parents don’t like her, fine. But how do you feel about her?
Post # 4
She’s only 20 years old and from what I get, she’s having a rough time. Being included in a big family event might be an important part in the process of becoming more stable. In case you’re worried that she will cause a major scene, I would say that you should invite her.
Post # 5
I’m kind of going against the grain here, but if she doesn’t live at home then you shouldn’t have to invite her. If she lives at home with your uncle then I would. I also agree that it may be nice for her to be invited to a family event. You can choose not to speak to her at the wedding. You are going to be so busy anyway.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I think that she is not in a great place right now and excluding her would just be making everything worse. I would invite her- who knows, maybe she won’t come.
Post # 7
If you’re inviting her siblings, it would be incredibly rude not to invite her.
Post # 8
@Sea_Ashley: I would invite her. Maybe not send a separate invitation, but include on her dads invite
Post # 9
I am in a similar situation and if you dont think it will create drama or a scene at your wedding then invite her as a kind gesture from you. On the otherhand if your afraid that she will cause a scene then DONT invite her. You dont need the stress of worrying about something going down on such a important day for you! I have decided not to invite my two cousins who are very disrespectful and the risk of them causing a scene is much higher than im willing to gamble with. I love them very much and i told them this but simply put i cant afford to worry about them on my day.
Post # 10
Invite her. It doesn’t sound like she is prone to outbursts or disruptive behavior that would ruin your day itself. It sounds like she may not come anyway, based on some of her past behaviour.
Post # 11
@Sea_Ashley: it would depend how she offended your parents. and if they are paying, if they are paying and say no, then no. if yuo are paying and they say no, it’s u to you, but unless there’s some HUGE thing you aren’t saying I say invite her. sounds like she wouldn’t come anyhow.