Post # 1
Our wedding was two months ago. It was wonderful and everyone had a great time. 🙂 All the thank you cards have been written and sent….except for 5. These 5 are husband’s responsibility (his family, best man and a very dear friend of his).
There’s only 5 left so what’s the problem? There’s 5 left! Just sitting there. Waiting to be written (all the others were done a month ago). I really dont care if he sends his family a thank you and his best man doesnt care if he gets a thank you but the dear friend not only did an amazing aribrush painting of hubbys car (hubbys baby of course) from a picture he had but he also drove 4 hours on a work night to be at our wedding. I really think he should get a nice personal thank you from Hubby. Hubby doesnt disagree and he is overwhelmed that his friend did this for him and very appreciative but I cant get him to sit down and write the thank you.
So my question – do i just do it for him?
Post # 2
I wrote all our thank yous and he addressed them. I think a lot of guys just have a hard time coming up with things to say and don’t feel the need to do it. It’s sorta late now but I think a phone call thanking him would have been enough if he didn’t want to write it. Since it’s already been two months and doesn’t seem like he’s going to do it I would just do it from the both of you.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I voted “no”, but not for the reason listed in the poll. IMO, the wedding was your husband’s wedding, too, and he should share equal responsibility in writhing the thank you cards for it. That said, he still has time to do his share, so maybe you should back off and let him do it on his own schedule.
Post # 4
Celliaanne: You just reminded me that my husband never did his 5. We got married last year!!! I handed him the cards and pens many times but he ‘didn’t get around to it’. I reckon this reflects badly on me from their point if view so I vote that you do it. Very frustrating but it’s life. Now I feel really bad!!!
Post # 5
Within two weeks of geting married, I moved 3 hours away from home, and started graduate school. I left his friends and family’s thank you notes to the end, hoping that he would help. It didn’t happen. I finally wrote the last batch of thank yous about 3 months after the wedding. I got a nasty note, in return, from one of his aunts, chastizing me for acknowledging the gift so late. (Luckily it was the aunt, who most people didn’t get along with – and I can see why).
Post # 6
I’d advise that you pick your battles wisely. The cost of nagging him probably outweighs the cost of helping him through it, so I’d advise getting all 5 done.
If it were me, wait for a calm moment, and then drop them in his lap. I’d then say that we need to do them together because I didnt want us to seem rude or to hurt anyone’s feelings. That said, I wa troubled that he seemed to have difficulty in completing this task. I woukd ask if there was something that bothered him about thank you notes, or was he unsure of what to say in them? odds are, he put it off b/c he felt like he would write something awkward or not know what to say. then, I’d sit with uim and brainstorm them out together.
Post # 7
Have you asked him what the problem is? I don’t see why he can’t take a few minutes to write a thank you note; that’s so ungrateful. Just tell him he really needs to have it done by x date. I wouldn’t write it for him, this is not a difficult task and it’s the least he could do to show appreciation.
Post # 8
You just need to wait till a calm evening, and after dinner say, HEY. ITS TIME. And just make it happen. Force his hand (literally) ugh why are men so annoying about thank you notes. It was like pulling teeth to get him to help with our engagement party ones
Post # 9
Leave it open on the table with a pen next to it. Sign your name at the bottom to indicate you want something more written on it.
Post # 10
Shrink-E-Dink: I promise I am not nagging and we dont fight over it. I think his big issue with writing this particular thank you note is the emotion involved. He has no trouble showing emotion to me but he is from a background where guys dont with other guys. His second issue is his handwriting is probably the only one on the planet worse than mine. Its stupid but it is what it is. This is why I am willing to write it for him BUT he needs to sit down with me and discuss what he wants to say.
Post # 11
Celliaanne: My husband also had a few that he needed to write out because they were his people. Rather than making him struggle through writing them (not his strength,) I sat down with him, came up with a few ideas and wrote out a mock copy word for word on a separate piece of paper. He then just copied it down on the actual thank you so it was his handwriting – even though his is atrocious. For those few thank yous, it was important that he showed his sincerity by writing it “himself.”
Post # 12
Celliaanne: I would just help him write it or write it yourself only because he seems to be struggling with it
from my past experience, my husband never wrote his thank you notes to his family. I left them to him with an idea of what to write and how to write it. I think he wrote one out of the ten that needed to go out. I’m sure his family thinks we’re assholes now since I never knew he didn’t send them out until 5 months later…
Post # 13
The people who are most affected by your husband’s foot-dragging are his generous family and friends. Chances are, they’re not going to disown him just because they don’t get a thank-you card, but it’s still really thoughtless to keep them waiting. You can either let the foot-dragging continue at the expense of people who have shown your husband (and by association, you) such love, or you can get the job done yourself and choose another time to help your husband learn how to express gratitude.
Post # 14
Celliaanne: I voted no, but for a different reason. i am not going to encourage learned helplessness from my FI.
He’s gotten into this habit where he’s figured out if he leaves things long enough, I’ll just do them. It’s creating resentment because
my day / responsibilities: working out, wedding planning, working at a startup, cleaning, cooking.
His day / responsibility: working at a startup and providing final approval on wedding plans.
i get spread thin, overwhelmed, etc. so as to not encourage it, I’ve stopped doing things for him. This would include his half of the thank you cards.
Post # 15
DH and I actually sat down together one day and did all our thank you notes. It took him roughly 3 days to get all of his done, but he did them. Not sure what your DH can do or say. My DH wrote way more inside the notes than I did so I’m not much help.