Post # 1
my fiance and I have been engaged for 18 months. we have been waiting for his divorce from his exwife to finalize so that we can start thinking about a date. we were happy to see that the document finally arrived 2 weeks ago after a 15 month delay. i had given up hope that the divorce would have been final and never thought about trying to set our date over the past couple of weeks. My cousin’s wedding was a week ago and I have never seen a man so darm motivated to plan our day. He couldn’t stop talking about it this week. Yesterday, while he was not at home, i decided to check on my wedding dress I bought over a year ago. I was devisated that my veil had 2 large holes in it, i guess it was dry rot. I became so worried about my dress because he wanted to set our date for 2014. Today i mentioned that I wanted our venue officially booked no later than spring of 2013 so i don’t have to worry about my dress and he says to me he doesn’t want to talk about it and walked away! I don’t understand the mood swing! all of a sudden it’s like he doesn’t want to plan it anymore. we moved our big day from 2013 to 2014 due to finances and because we didn’t know how much longer his exwife would delay the proceedings. We have had to cancel 2 dates already and now it seems like we won’t ever get to go ahead with 2014. there is nothing stopping us now and we have enough time to save for it. I’m thinking of walking away from our relationship if our date isn’t set by april. There would be no point in being in a dead end relationship if it isn’t going to go anywhere.
Post # 3
I don’t think you should even consider setting a date until the divorce is final. Anything else is putting the cart before the horse.
Post # 4
@OctBride-2012: sorry i should have clarified that the final divorce order came in the mail 2 weeks ago, his divorce was actually finalized on July 14th and we didn’t know.
Post # 5
Maybe he’s a bit upset because everything is really over with his first marriage? Or a bit bitter now and put off marriage?
Give him some time, then say to him if we don’t have a date set by x, then I think we should sit down and talk about the future of our relationship.
LIKE think it’s sort of mean to say if we don’t have a date by this time were over because how do you know he didn’t just give in to keep from breaking up?
Post # 6
Oh well that changes things. I think you need to talk to him and ask him what has happened to cause his change in enthusiasm. It may having nothing to do with you or the wedding. Men are terrible at keeping things to themselves and sometimes you have to pull it out of them.
Post # 7
I think if this is a mood swing you shouldn’t be talking about walking away…I mean if everytime he doesn’t feel like talking about a wedding you want to break up, that’s not a good sign. I would wait until tomorrow and see how he feels. Maybe he just had a bad day and is frustrated and didn’t want to talk about wedding planning. If he truly doesn’t want to plan a wedding anymore, that’s one thing, but he just said he didn’t want to talk about it right then. Give it some time and then ask if he’s okay and if anything is bothering him. If he was just having a day that’s one thing. If he really doesn’t want to plan it is a completely different thing.
Post # 8
I know if it were me in your position, I would be upset. That being said, could he feel ashamed that he is already planning another wedding when the ink on the divorce papers from his first marriage is barely dry?
It shouldn’t matter, since he didn’t see a problem with getting engaged before his divorce was final. And lets be honest, a marriage is often long over before the papers are drawn and “final”. Maybe he just feels emotionally taxed? It is something you need to talk with him about. I would let him know how his reaction makes you feel, and what it says to you about your relationship. I would not tell him if not by April it is over. (Not yet anyway). Really spell it out for him, sometimes men don’t “get”things. Sad, but true.
Post # 9
If this is just a temporary mood swing, as you put it, I would wait it out and see what happens. Another option is to consider couples counseling, as he may have feelings and baggage left over from round 1 that he may or may not be aware of.
However, if he doesn’t change (let’s say, in a few months, he still not out of his funk), then I would still consider counseling but then be open to walking too. I don’t mean to be harsh or a buzzkill, but we know someone that got into a relationship with someone that was in the middle of a divorce. Papers finally arrived and she thought “Yay, now we can get married and move on.” Years passed, a baby was born, the baby became a kindergartener, and after a lot of soul-searching and persistent nagging/fighting, he walked away. It’s been now almost a year since they broke up and they still haven’t gotten back together. He really meant it when he said he didn’t want to be married.