Post # 1
I’m no dummy and I can see the writing on the wall—a college friend of mine is going to blow off my wedding. I don’t want to sound high maitenance, but it upsets me and the friendship falling apart also upsets me.
A brief history… I was friends with this girl in college, we were in the same sorority and roommates for a year. She got married three years ago, right after college graduation. I think all us friends had reservations about the marriage, but were there to support her on her big day. I drove 5 hours to her wedding and supported her.
In the three years since then she has lived in two cities away from where I live. She has made no effort to keep in touch or be a friend. I have tried to reach out to her. I really tried last fall when she decided that her 2 year marriage was over and kicked her hubby out of the house. She didn’t want my support so I gave her space.
I almost didn’t want to send her a wedding invite because she has not really been a friend anymore, but I sent her a wedding invitation. She has not responded, but I get the feeling that she is going to blow off my wedding. She RSVPed a no to my bachelorette party and told my MOH that she will be in town the weekend before my wedding for a volleyball tournament and hopes to see all of us friends. I can’t imagine that she will be back in town a week later for my wedding since it is a 6 hour drive for her.
I am just waiting for her no RSVP now. WTH do I do?! I am completely pissed that she will be blowing off my wedding. Once I receive the no RSVP, I want to write her an e-mail letting her know how I feel. The e-mail will be calm, and not mean. I just want her to know that I am hurt by her actions. I don’t think there is a friendship left to salvage, but I want her to know that I am saddened by her behavior and lack of care.
Should I send the e-mail once I receive the no RSVP? Opinions about this situation?
Post # 3
Aww, I’m sorry hun 🙁
I think a lot of people go through this when they plan their wedding. You find out who your real friends are, and especially after college, you realize that you’ve grown apart from friends you’ve had in the past. It just happens. You become different people.
I say you just wait for her RSVP, and then send a calm e-mail to get closure from the friendship, and consider it ended. If she ever wants to reconnect in the future, that will be up to you.
Good luck with everything, and keep us posted!
Post # 4
Thanks, Ms. Chapstick. I could see this coming for awhile, but this really has shown me that the friendship is over. More than her no longer being a friend I am surprised that she is telling people that she will be in town the weekend before my wedding for volleyball tournament. It just seems so insensitive! I think I will send the e-mail for my own closure. Gotta figure out what to say and how to say it.
Post # 5
Honestly, yes, just let it go. Don’t waste anymore emotional energy on her. Focus on the people that ARE coming.
Sorry you’re dealing with this.
Post # 6
I’m so sorry jaylii9. I had a similar experience. Someone that I had been friends with for more than a decade. Someone that did just about everything for during her wedding 5 years ago (including bachelorette party in vegas, bridal shower in columbus, wedding in new york.. probably about 1200-1400 dollars spent) but she was a good friend, I didn’t care.
Here we are 5 years later, she lives in the boston area. She never called my mom to rsvp for the shower.. she wrote me an email the day after it was due, saying she was sorry she couldn’t come. Then when it came time for the invites, again, she didn’t rsvp by the deadline, she miraculously lost that invite as well. She wrote a facebook post saying that they weren’t going to make it, so sorry, can’t wait to see pictures. Not a card, or a gift for either event. Haven’t heard from her since.
I am just ending the friendship. She had photos up from the month before our wedding, going to florida to visit a friend who had a baby, she was here in march for a friend who was about to have a baby, then back after the birth.. she was in town several times last year for other people’s weddings… she tried to pull the too expensive card.. she could have flown alone – stayed with and attended the wedding with other friends of ours – she should have been there to support me, but she ended up not even being able to send a card!
I had to think really hard about whether it was worth my time to keep “trying” to have a friendship with this person… it wasn’t. And it wasn’t just about money, it was about being there for me at the most important time in my life.. I was there for her, she didnt’ even try to be there for me.
When is your RSVP date? If it has passed, definitely call her. Email is TOO easy for people to just write back that they can’t make it.. call her, make her tell you why she isn’t coming. Then decide if you want to keep trying. She might be a good enough friend that you want to keep trying.. maybe things haven’t been distant for that long for you…
Call her & keep us posted.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t wait for the no RSVP, I would call her and just see where she’s at with everything. If you get from the convo that she doesn’t care, then unfortunately she doesn’t and you should just let it go. It sucks but sometimes people change.
Post # 8
I think you should call her and play catch up. Then try to sneak in some wedding talk during the conversation. When was the last time you spoke/hung out with her?
Post # 9
I would just let it go. It sounds like she hasn’t made the effort where you have, so you should probably just leave it be.
Post # 10
@ddubzz: I haven’t seen her since May 2009 when we were at a mutual friend’s wedding. Since then I have tried to reach out to her multiple times, but she makes herself pretty hard to reach. I have tried to see her when she was in town this past winter, but it didn’t work out.
Whenever we are around each other she acts like it is old home week and like the friendship is not strained because of her distancing herself. From time to time she will write something cute on my FB wall and promise to call which just annoys me now because she won’t really call ever.
I would call her, but I am unsure if I really want her at the wedding anymore.
Post # 11
@SanDiegoAli: You are right, the people who really matter will be at my wedding and I am so honored to have people flying in from multiple states to see FI and I get married. 🙂