Post # 1
I’ve been reading, with increasing horror, about the problems bees have with not inviting children, including people who sneak their kids in and people kicking up family dramas when their kids are not invited.
I’m having a mostly adult wedding, and by that I mean, I don’t mind FI’s nieces (8 and 10) because they are lovely, well behaved girls. I’d also like my godson (5) there and I know he won’t cause any trouble. On the other hand, I do not want a gaggle of my cousins children (some toddlers, some older children – not well behaved ones) nor my friends’ children (mostly toddlers, some babies) there.
My problem is really that if I invite the parents and not the kids, they’ll use this as an excuse to kick up drama. There are certain family members who want their own way, no matter the cost. And I have a few friends who have suddenly become militant mamas since having kids, and will see it as a personal insult that I don’t want their toddlers at my wedding.
I suspect that these people will boycott the wedding in the end, after at least three rounds of drama. Besides, the wedding will be at Christmas next year, so I think a lot of these people won’t want to come even if I allowed their kids. So should I just not invite them and save myself the stress?
This would mean inviting some university friends and not others, some cousins, but not their siblings. One aunt, but not the other.
Post # 3
Oh man, totally know what you’re going through. I would usually say invite none or invite them all but by the sounds of it you have a tonne of friends and family with children! I have learnt that you are not obliged to invite anyone (except parents haha). I have had to cut off so many people off the guest list, including children because I realised I just didnt want them there. And if they boycott the wedding because theyre pissed off about their kids not being invited then they’re not there for the right reasons anyway/ It’s a day to celebrate you’re marriage after all.
Post # 4
Why not make your god-son the ring bearer and the 2 girls flower girls? I think it’s pretty common to only allow children in the bridal party.
Post # 5
@Sarahbear: I’m the last of my group from university to get married, so nearly everyone I know has kids. Some of them are cool, and will leave their kids at home. Some however are not…
@Lovemelovemyhorses: I’ve thought about this, but I seriously fear that even if I say ‘no kids except the wedding party’, they’ll still try to force me to allow their kids. It just seems like to get the wedding Fiance and I want, we’ll have to go through so much unnecessary stress and drama.
Post # 6
In that case, I would invite them anyway and tell them no kids aloud. They’ll probably be upset either way (more so if they aren’t invited), at least if you invite them they may still come, and if they make a big deal about it then they’ll come off looking unreasonable, as it’d be the same rule for everyone. You could always say ‘sorry, but we’ve already told several people no children and we can’t make exceptions’, plus some people may surprise you and be ok with it, but if you don’t invite them you’ll never know. You’ll probably have people that won’t be happy either way, so invite who you want, tell them firmly no and don’t get stressed, this is what you want and there’s no point worrying about what other people think.
Good luck OP.
Post # 7
It’s going to cause way more drama to invite some aunts and cousins but not all of them than it will to not invite children. I totally agree with your POV on this, and I think the best way to deal with it is just to decide ahead of time how you’re going to handle it, come up with a blanket statement to say to anyone who questions you or tries to start drama. If they keep pushing, repeat your initial statement. If they threaten to not come, tell them you’re sorry but you understand and they’ll be missed. Repeat as often as necessary.
Post # 8
We did the “no kids” at our wedding. Right after we decided on our wedding date, venue, etc. we sat down with my FI’s family because all his counsin’s have kids under 10 (between 3 of them there are about 15!). we explained to them with our budget and venue space limitation we just cannot accomodate a room full of children. the only young kids that will be there are our flower girls and the ring bearer. This way, they had plenty of time to find someone to keep their children if they did want to come. Turns out they aren’t coming which my Fiance had hope. He invited them to not make one of his aunt’s mad and turns out this particular aunt isn’t attending either. So it worked out well for us! Good Luck!!!
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
“No kids except the wedding party”- perfect. I take it that these are the 3 children closest to you and FI- you don’t need to invite everyone’s children-there are space and budget factors to consider, outside of the fact that you want your wedding to be an adult event.
That being said, will you tick off some family members? You betcha. However, I think it would cause more drama to invite one aunt and not the other. (My sister-in-law had BIG drama when she only invited 2 out of 3 cousins on one side.) Like Wonderstruck said, you’ll just have to be a broken record- “I”m sorry, but we arent’ able to accommodate children outside of the wedding party. Hopefully you’ll still be able to attend, if not, we understand.”
For our out of town guests, we offered to help with babysitters if needed, and no one did. Giving that option is a nice touch, though.
Post # 10
I know that I’ll get my way in the end. I can hold my own. It’s not that. I just wondering if it didn’t make more sense to not invite the troublemakers. I understand that it will also create drama, but I thought that people would get insulted only once (when they realise they’re not invited), as apposed to being insulted 4-5 times (each time I tell them ‘no, your toddler/ baby/ godawful grandchild is not coming to my wedding’).
My excuse for not inviting them is limited space, which is true – sort of. I thought I could take the offended parties aside and tell them that : ‘We don’t have the space to invite everyone we’d like to. And I know that you have plans for Christmas.” I thought, that perhaps people would find that easier to forgive than, “No sorry, you cannot bring your child” repeated several times.
Post # 12
@Tibbs: Tell them that it’s the children of immediate family only. If they kick up a fuss, tell them that you want this to be an adult affair and that kids are only bored at weddings anyway. If your friends kick up a fusinviting not being able to take their children then tell them they don’t have to come.
Post # 13
I would invite them and let them know no kids are allowed. Let it be their decision if they don’t want to come.