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@Tanya5484: I am sorry, I know it must be stressful, but I would just not stress about it and let the cards fall where they may.
She is aware of the dates, $$, responsibilities... so you stressing over it and worrying yourself won't help. I am not a big fan of kicking someone out of a wedding party unless it falls under the dire circumstances line. Dress shops deal with late/unresponsive bridesmaids all the time, my shop has a person call and "be the bad guy" so the bride doesn't have to be. I would call the dress shop, give them your situation and see if a manager cannot place a call to the BM and let her know the stores policy, without ever mentioning your concerns.
I'd say kick her out, she invited herself in the first place, and now is blatantly not doing anything towards it. If she didn't invite herself in the first place I'd say give her a chance, but heres the breakdown:
1) ASKED to be a bridesmaid...
2) Can't make it down to pay for her dress
3) Can't make it to the rehersal?!
Three strikes you're out. If she can't be arsed to pay for the dress and make it to the rehersal how do you know she can be counted on to even show up on the day of?
I don't think you kick anyone out of a wedding, regardless of whether you asked her or not. I would say it has to paid for and picked up by this date and if not then you would be looking forward to seeing her as a guest at the wedding.
@Amanda_Rae: I think her suggestion of having the store call is an excellent option! I voted no because while is is a major pain in the ass I don't think it's grounds for kicking someone out. But you do have every right to be pissed.
It sounds like she might be having money problems. I would ask her if she still wants to be in the wedding and if she says yes have her call the bridal salon and make arrangements to pick the dress up herself Tuesday. I am sure if they have heard from her and have a time when she is coming, they will make an exception and hold the dress 2 extra days. If she doesn't pick the dress up, she has made the choice to come as a guest.
I rarely think it is a good idea to "kick out" a memeber of your bridal party. It will ruin your relationship with her.
I feel like your problem will solve itself. No dress no BM. It's that simple. :)
Let her make her own decision IE if she doesn't pick up her dress then shes not in it.
I agree with PP's. I think you can let go of the stress you're placing on yourself, and put it all on her - without going through the awkwardness of kicking her out...
If she doesn't have the dress, she'll be a guest. No exceptions.
I would advise you to think long and hard about it, and I agree with PPs who say that she will ultimately make the decision. No dress, no BM.
The only reason I say "Think long and hard" is because my sister had a bridesmaid who pulled some crazy antics during the planning stages (including sleeping with a groomsmen then creating major drama!). My sister doesn't even speak to her any more (a mere 2 years later) and she says its hard to look at her pictures of the wedding knowing that they are no longer on speaking terms. It had been a 15 year friendship.
In anycase, good luck with your BM and hopefully it all works out for the best!
Don't kick her out (or give her an out) - it is a friendship ending move and will only create hurt feelings, more drama, and will make you look like the bad guy. If she doesn't get the dress then she has taken herself out of the bridal party. You gave her the date and even offered to pick it up for her and that's all you can do. The rest is up to her.
As far as the rehearsal dinner goes, it certainly sucks that she can't be there, but I don't think it's a requirement that she be there. Sometimes it is really hard for people to take off of work and sometimes stuff pops up and they just can't get the time off. So I would give her the benefit of the doubt there and not worry that she can't make it. It's definitely not something to kick her out over.
If she doesn't get the dress then she's removed herself from your bridal party. A PP had a great suggestion of having the dress shop call her to remind her to pick it up. After that, it's out of your hands.
As for the rehearsal, don't worry about her not being there. I have friends flying in for my wedding. If they can't get there in time, they'll just follow what the other BMs are doing. No big deal.
A dramatic "you are no longer a bridesmaid" is not necessary and really childish. Let her make the decision whether to pick up the dress. It's completely on her then.
I agree with PP. If she doesn't pick up the dress, she's automatically out of the wedding and it's not your fault. I'd stop stressing and let her choose to be in the wedding or not based on if she gets the dress in time.
I agree with PP. If she doesn't pick up the dress, she's automatically out of the wedding and it's not your fault. I'd stop stressing and let her choose to be in the wedding or not based on if she gets the dress in time.
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Long story short, I got engaged December 2010. We set a date for May 18 2012, which is a Friday. I am orginally from Brooklyn Ny and I have lived outside of Philadelphia in the suburbs for the last 6 years. One of my bridesmaids lives in Brooklyn, and My MOH lives in Atlanta. my MOH has been great! My bridesmaid who lives in Brooklyn, ASKED to be in my wedding. I said ok, since we grew up together and are still friends. side note--I live 2 hours away from NY.
Now here's the problem, we ordered dresses back in October, She came down here, and ordered her dress. She knew that when the dresses came in she would have to pay the balance and pick up the dress. SO January 18 the dresses came in , and I told her, the dresses are here, you have 30 DAYS to pay the balance and pick it up. She says, "they're not going to mail it to me" My response NO, you knew that. She said she would drive down to pick it up, than a couple days later
Last week I called her since 30 days is coming up and I havent heard anything and if she wanted me to pick up her dress that the only day I can do it is this SUNDAY. I work fulltime and I have 2 kids that are both in activites so my schedule is tight and on top of that the bridal shop is closed on Monday. She tells me, well I'm not paying for the dress until tuesday? WTF!!! I told her so how are you going to get your dress since I cant pick it up for you and 30 days is this saturday and the bridal shop wont hold it past 30 days? She said she doesnt know, and I havent heard from her since...I don't get it, the balance owed is $100. I offererd to pay for it and she pay me back?...She knew she would have to pay $100 back in october when she first ordered the dress... She has no kids and lives at home and has a Fiance..SHe had months to come up with $100!!! And a again if the money is the issue I would of paid the $100. On top of that, She wants to pay the dress last minute, which is a total inconvience to me since I have to pick it up and I can't!!!Wait, she also called me 2 weeks back to tell me, that she wont be making it to the rehersal because she has to work and can;t get off early...Ok...SO WHY THE **** DID YOU AGREE TO BE IN A WEDDING THAT YOU KNEW THE DATE OVER A YEAR AGO WHEN YOU CAN;T MAKE ANYTHING!!!!! It's so Pissed!! My MOH says I should kick her out and my mom says not to stress myself out about it.